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Thread: WANTED: ROADKILL

  1. #1
    Emo Haircut Guest

    Default WANTED: ROADKILL

    x-no-archive: yes

    I want your roadkill. Why, might you ask? Simple. I drive around and
    regularly see 1-2 deer a week on the side of the road, rotting. Since an
    average deer has about 80-120 pounds of usable venison on it, its a shame
    that all that meat is wasted. Plus, you can't normally buy venison, so
    unless you have a hunting friend or hunt yourself (or pay crazy prices at a
    restaurant), you can never enjoy the lean, tasty meat that is venison.

    So, here's my offer. If you happen to hit a deer (or larger animal, although
    I don't think we have many of those in southern Virginia), you can bring the
    animal to me, and I'll carve it up for you, and split the meat 50/50. I
    hunt, and I do my own butchering, so it doesn't take too long for me, and I
    enjoy it. Since hunting season is now passed, I'd like something to occupy
    my time, while also filling my freezer.

    There are rules though, like anything else in life:
    1. It has to be a deer or bigger. I'm not carving up a flat squirrel for
    you.
    2. It must be less than a day old. God only knows what happens to the
    carcass after a day of sitting there.
    3. You have to call the police after your accident. The cops come out and
    issue you a permit so that you legally own the deer. It's quick, and it
    keeps it legal (I'm not carving up poached animals, and if you poach, you
    should rid the world of your sorry existence).
    4. You bring the animal to me (I'm in Suffolk), and I do the rest, and call
    you when its done. If you live in Suffolk, or hit the deer in Suffolk, I
    could come to you, but I'm not driving to VA Beach at 10 pm at night.
    5. I'll cut up the animal and give half the meat to you in sealed bags. I'll
    even label it, so you'll know what cuts you're getting. You eat it and
    enjoy!

    Of course, you may feel odd eating roadkill. I mean, that's a redneck thing,
    right? Absolutely untrue. For starters, you're using meat that would
    normally be wasted, so its good for the environment. Venison is leaner (deer
    don't sit on big farms eating corn), healthier (no injected hormones here!),
    and tastier (there is no such thing as "gamey" meat. That's just
    anti-hunters trying to justify themselves) than beef. Plus, you get it for
    nothing (except whatever your car insurance deductible is, if you decide to
    file a claim). All these positive reasons are sure to impress your hippie
    friends, if you are unfortunate enough to have some.

    Drop me an email (I check it all the time, so replies won't take long) when
    you hit a deer. If you're a police officer and want my phone number (since
    you probably get calls all the time), you can email me and I'll give you my
    cell number. If its late, you can always temporarily store the animal at
    your house and bring it over when I get back to you.

    Start enjoying the meat of your unfortunate labors!

    --
    How long will I slide?



  2. #2
    % Guest

    Default Re: WANTED: ROADKILL

    Emo Haircut wrote:
    > x-no-archive: yes
    >
    > I want your roadkill. Why, might you ask? Simple. I drive around and
    > regularly see 1-2 deer a week on the side of the road, rotting. Since
    > an average deer has about 80-120 pounds of usable venison on it, its
    > a shame that all that meat is wasted. Plus, you can't normally buy
    > venison, so unless you have a hunting friend or hunt yourself (or pay
    > crazy prices at a restaurant), you can never enjoy the lean, tasty
    > meat that is venison.
    >
    > So, here's my offer. If you happen to hit a deer (or larger animal,
    > although I don't think we have many of those in southern Virginia),
    > you can bring the animal to me, and I'll carve it up for you, and
    > split the meat 50/50. I hunt, and I do my own butchering, so it
    > doesn't take too long for me, and I enjoy it. Since hunting season is
    > now passed, I'd like something to occupy my time, while also filling
    > my freezer.
    >
    > There are rules though, like anything else in life:
    > 1. It has to be a deer or bigger. I'm not carving up a flat squirrel
    > for you.
    > 2. It must be less than a day old. God only knows what happens to the
    > carcass after a day of sitting there.
    > 3. You have to call the police after your accident. The cops come out
    > and issue you a permit so that you legally own the deer. It's quick,
    > and it keeps it legal (I'm not carving up poached animals, and if you
    > poach, you should rid the world of your sorry existence).
    > 4. You bring the animal to me (I'm in Suffolk), and I do the rest,
    > and call you when its done. If you live in Suffolk, or hit the deer
    > in Suffolk, I could come to you, but I'm not driving to VA Beach at
    > 10 pm at night.
    > 5. I'll cut up the animal and give half the meat to you in sealed
    > bags. I'll even label it, so you'll know what cuts you're getting.
    > You eat it and enjoy!
    >
    > Of course, you may feel odd eating roadkill. I mean, that's a redneck
    > thing, right? Absolutely untrue. For starters, you're using meat that
    > would normally be wasted, so its good for the environment. Venison is
    > leaner (deer don't sit on big farms eating corn), healthier (no
    > injected hormones here!), and tastier (there is no such thing as
    > "gamey" meat. That's just anti-hunters trying to justify themselves)
    > than beef. Plus, you get it for nothing (except whatever your car
    > insurance deductible is, if you decide to file a claim). All these
    > positive reasons are sure to impress your hippie friends, if you are
    > unfortunate enough to have some.
    >
    > Drop me an email (I check it all the time, so replies won't take
    > long) when you hit a deer. If you're a police officer and want my
    > phone number (since you probably get calls all the time), you can
    > email me and I'll give you my cell number. If its late, you can
    > always temporarily store the animal at your house and bring it over
    > when I get back to you.
    >
    > Start enjoying the meat of your unfortunate labors!




    there's a moose on my front lawn this morning ,
    he won't leave , i thought about jumpong in front of him ,
    but i might get trampled and live so , no good



  3. #3
    Rod Speed Guest

    Default Re: WANTED: ROADKILL

    Emo Haircut wrote:

    > I want your roadkill.


    No you dont.

    > Why, might you ask? Simple. I drive around and
    > regularly see 1-2 deer a week on the side of the road, rotting. Since
    > an average deer has about 80-120 pounds of usable venison on it, its
    > a shame that all that meat is wasted. Plus, you can't normally buy
    > venison, so unless you have a hunting friend or hunt yourself (or pay
    > crazy prices at a restaurant), you can never enjoy the lean, tasty
    > meat that is venison.


    No deer road kill here.

    > So, here's my offer. If you happen to hit a deer (or larger animal,
    > although I don't think we have many of those in southern Virginia),


    Bet there are quite a few cows and horses.

    > you can bring the animal to me, and I'll carve it up for you, and split the meat 50/50.


    I expect the airline might whine about the excess baggage and the smell.

    > I hunt, and I do my own butchering, so it
    > doesn't take too long for me, and I enjoy it. Since hunting season is
    > now passed, I'd like something to occupy my time, while also filling
    > my freezer.
    > There are rules though, like anything else in life:
    > 1. It has to be a deer or bigger. I'm not carving up a flat squirrel
    > for you.
    > 2. It must be less than a day old. God only knows what happens to the
    > carcass after a day of sitting there.
    > 3. You have to call the police after your accident. The cops come out
    > and issue you a permit so that you legally own the deer. It's quick,
    > and it keeps it legal (I'm not carving up poached animals, and if you
    > poach, you should rid the world of your sorry existence).
    > 4. You bring the animal to me (I'm in Suffolk), and I do the rest,
    > and call you when its done. If you live in Suffolk, or hit the deer
    > in Suffolk, I could come to you, but I'm not driving to VA Beach at
    > 10 pm at night. 5. I'll cut up the animal and give half the meat to you in sealed
    > bags. I'll even label it, so you'll know what cuts you're getting.
    > You eat it and enjoy!
    >
    > Of course, you may feel odd eating roadkill. I mean, that's a redneck
    > thing, right? Absolutely untrue. For starters, you're using meat that
    > would normally be wasted, so its good for the environment. Venison is
    > leaner (deer don't sit on big farms eating corn), healthier (no
    > injected hormones here!), and tastier (there is no such thing as
    > "gamey" meat. That's just anti-hunters trying to justify themselves)
    > than beef. Plus, you get it for nothing (except whatever your car
    > insurance deductible is, if you decide to file a claim). All these
    > positive reasons are sure to impress your hippie friends, if you are
    > unfortunate enough to have some.
    > Drop me an email (I check it all the time, so replies won't take
    > long) when you hit a deer. If you're a police officer and want my
    > phone number (since you probably get calls all the time), you can
    > email me and I'll give you my cell number. If its late, you can
    > always temporarily store the animal at your house and bring it over
    > when I get back to you.
    > Start enjoying the meat of your unfortunate labors!




  4. #4
    George Shirley Guest

    Default Re: WANTED: ROADKILL

    Rod Speed wrote:
    > Emo Haircut wrote:
    >
    >> I want your roadkill.

    >
    > No you dont.
    >
    >> Why, might you ask? Simple. I drive around and
    >> regularly see 1-2 deer a week on the side of the road, rotting. Since
    >> an average deer has about 80-120 pounds of usable venison on it, its
    >> a shame that all that meat is wasted. Plus, you can't normally buy
    >> venison, so unless you have a hunting friend or hunt yourself (or pay
    >> crazy prices at a restaurant), you can never enjoy the lean, tasty
    >> meat that is venison.

    >
    > No deer road kill here.
    >
    >> So, here's my offer. If you happen to hit a deer (or larger animal,
    >> although I don't think we have many of those in southern Virginia),

    >
    > Bet there are quite a few cows and horses.
    >
    >> you can bring the animal to me, and I'll carve it up for you, and split the meat 50/50.

    >
    > I expect the airline might whine about the excess baggage and the smell.
    >
    >> I hunt, and I do my own butchering, so it
    >> doesn't take too long for me, and I enjoy it. Since hunting season is
    >> now passed, I'd like something to occupy my time, while also filling
    >> my freezer.
    >> There are rules though, like anything else in life:
    >> 1. It has to be a deer or bigger. I'm not carving up a flat squirrel
    >> for you.
    >> 2. It must be less than a day old. God only knows what happens to the
    >> carcass after a day of sitting there.
    >> 3. You have to call the police after your accident. The cops come out
    >> and issue you a permit so that you legally own the deer. It's quick,
    >> and it keeps it legal (I'm not carving up poached animals, and if you
    >> poach, you should rid the world of your sorry existence).
    >> 4. You bring the animal to me (I'm in Suffolk), and I do the rest,
    >> and call you when its done. If you live in Suffolk, or hit the deer
    >> in Suffolk, I could come to you, but I'm not driving to VA Beach at
    >> 10 pm at night. 5. I'll cut up the animal and give half the meat to you in sealed
    >> bags. I'll even label it, so you'll know what cuts you're getting.
    >> You eat it and enjoy!
    >>
    >> Of course, you may feel odd eating roadkill. I mean, that's a redneck
    >> thing, right? Absolutely untrue. For starters, you're using meat that
    >> would normally be wasted, so its good for the environment. Venison is
    >> leaner (deer don't sit on big farms eating corn), healthier (no
    >> injected hormones here!), and tastier (there is no such thing as
    >> "gamey" meat. That's just anti-hunters trying to justify themselves)
    >> than beef. Plus, you get it for nothing (except whatever your car
    >> insurance deductible is, if you decide to file a claim). All these
    >> positive reasons are sure to impress your hippie friends, if you are
    >> unfortunate enough to have some.
    >> Drop me an email (I check it all the time, so replies won't take
    >> long) when you hit a deer. If you're a police officer and want my
    >> phone number (since you probably get calls all the time), you can
    >> email me and I'll give you my cell number. If its late, you can
    >> always temporarily store the animal at your house and bring it over
    >> when I get back to you.
    >> Start enjoying the meat of your unfortunate labors!

    >
    >

    Unfortunately for the OP there are many states with laws against
    harvesting roadkill.

    Note: Newsgroups other than RFC have been deleted from the address
    header to avoid crossposting.

  5. #5
    Dimitri Guest

    Default Re: WANTED: ROADKILL


    "Emo Haircut" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]..
    > x-no-archive: yes
    >
    > I want your roadkill.


    Good - I suggest you jump in front of a truck.

    Dimitri


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