Very OT Post: (Except for the word fork)

Paul M. Cook wrote:

>
> I'll admit I have had the urge to throw a few people off a train or a
> high rise window but I've yet to wish that upon an animal.
>
> Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the
> pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the
> old church graveyard.
>
> 'Come have a look over here, 'says Paddy, 'It's Michael O' Grady's
> grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87.'
>
> 'That's nothing, 'says Sean, 'here's Patrick O' Toole, it says here
> that he was 95 when he died.'
>
> Just then, Seamus yells out, 'Mary and Joseph, here's a fella that got
> to be 145!'
>
> 'Glory be Seamus, was he in our parish?' asks Paddy.
>
> Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what
> else is written on the stone marker and exclaims: 'Nah, t'was a feller
> named Miles, from Dublin.'


You found that amusing did you? For your information, Great-Granddad
Miles was a wonderful man and I don't appreciate you besmirching his
memory like that. By the way, that beautiful headstone cost
Great-grandma Katie her life savings, and here you are making jokes
about it.

Have you *no* shame?

<sniff>
--
Cheers
Chatty Cathy

Egg tastes better when it's not on your face...

"Alexm" <amcwill417@msn.com> wrote in message
news:e35e5b7b-2f03-4c1f-ab81-21f53ad9c7a5@c58g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
On Aug 25, 9:51 pm, "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> wrote:
> "Blinky the Shark" <no.s...@box.invalid> wrote in
> messagenewsan.2008.08.26.02.41.01.108837@thursto n.blinkynet.net...
>

>Now here is the rest of the story. The poodle did not really belong
>to the woman - she had kidnaped it. Also the train was not traveling
>very fast which happenstance allowed for the safe four-paw-landing of
>the dog. Afrer wandering for several days the poodle was taken in by
>a kind family. They marveled at the dog's features and eventually
>entered it into a canine show where it won first prize - a blue
>ribbon.

WHAT? You support breeding when millions of precious puppies die every day
for lack of a good home?!

"cybercat" <cyberpurrs@yahoo.com> fnord news:6a2aa$48b39d4e$20913
@news.teranews.com:


>
> When will you learn to pick your battles? And keep your hairy armpits to
> yourself?
>

What's with your obsession with my armpits?
I bet you think it's real sexy

--
Saerah

"Welcome to Usenet, Biatch! Adapt or haul ass!"
- some hillbilly from FL

"cybercat" <cyberpurrs@yahoo.com> fnord
news:g9056e$olc$1@registered.motzarella.org:

>
> "Paul M. Cook" <pmcook@gte.net> wrote in message
> news:g8vtma$m7k$1@registered.motzarella.org...

>> Haven't you got something better to do like eating surfers or
>> terrorizing beaches?
>>
>>
>
> God Damni It, Paul, get with the program. If "Blinky" says it's funny,
> it's fucking funny. Just like if "Blinky" says you should killfile
> everyone posting from Google Groups, you have to act like that is
> perfectly rational and not childish as hell.
>
>
>

The thing is, it *is* perfectly rational to killfile posts from GG.


--
Saerah

"Welcome to Usenet, Biatch! Adapt or haul ass!"
- some hillbilly from FL

Paul,


I hear what you're saying and think you have a point. I don't agree
with it, but I don't think you're altogether wrong. Give us an example
of a funny joke, something that tickles your funnybone, makes you laugh,
and doesn't offend you.


--Lia

On Aug 26, 2:08*am, "cybercat" <cyberpu...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> "Alexm" <amcwill...@msn.com> wrote in message
>
> news:e35e5b7b-2f03-4c1f-ab81-21f53ad9c7a5@c58g2000hsc.googlegroups.com...
> On Aug 25, 9:51 pm, "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> wrote:
>
> > "Blinky the Shark" <no.s...@box.invalid> wrote in
> > messagenewsan.2008.08.26.02.41.01.108837@thursto n.blinkynet.net...
>
> >Now here is the rest of the story. *The poodle did not really belong
> >to the woman - she had kidnaped it. *Also the train was not traveling
> >very fast which happenstance allowed for the safe four-paw-landing of
> >the dog. *Afrer wandering for several days the poodle was taken in by
> >a kind family. *They marveled at the dog's features and eventually
> >entered it into a canine show where it won first prize - a blue
> >ribbon.
>
> WHAT? You support breeding when millions of precious puppies die every day
> for lack of a good home?!

I am all for poodle rights - including the right to life and the right
to have a seat on a train.

AlexM

"Julia Altshuler" <jaltshuler@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:GbKdnTsauennnynVnZ2dnUVZ_qjinZ2d@comcast.com. ..
> Paul,
>
>
> I hear what you're saying and think you have a point. I don't agree with
> it, but I don't think you're altogether wrong. Give us an example of a
> funny joke, something that tickles your funnybone, makes you laugh, and
> doesn't offend you.


I did already, couple of them. I was never swept up into the "hate the
French fervor" that was typical post-911. Took me a little while to
understand the reason a Marine was the killer and why it was so funny to
victimize its French owner.

Paul

Paul M. Cook wrote:
>
> I did already, couple of them. I was never swept up into the "hate the
> French fervor" that was typical post-911. Took me a little while to
> understand the reason a Marine was the killer and why it was so funny to
> victimize its French owner.

I went back and saw the jokes you posted. I think the joke about the
marine and the snooty French woman may predate 9-11-2001. It could be
more of a reference to the U.S.'s involvement in WWII. Don't know for sure.


But back to the larger question of what's funny and what's not. I think
it goes back to basic slapstick. Show a bunch of kids some clowns
falling down, and they'll likely laugh. I don't think that means that
children like to see people get hurt. They've all fallen themselves,
and they know that it hurts and they cry. The humor comes in knowing
that the clowns AREN'T really hurt. The clowns put on exaggerated sad
faces and get up and keep clowning around. The humor is in the
disconnect between what should happen (pain and injury on falling) and
what happens in the joke (clown jumps right back up).


In the joke about the drunk Irishmen in the cemetary, the humor is in
the disconnect between what's meant by a gravemarker (number of years)
and what's meant by a milestone (number of miles). The humor is not in
making fun of Irish people who have the reputation for all being drunk
and stupid (which is surely not true).


For that reason, I find the 2 jokes equivalent. In neither one could
the event have really happened. (Just like the clown who didn't really
get hurt or the drunk who really wasn't that stupid.) (If it did really
happen as when small dogs do get thrown out of cars, it wouldn't be at
all funny-- as you note.) In both jokes, the fun is in the word play
(play on "bitch," play on "Miles/miles being both a noun and a man's name.)


--Lia

On Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:14:40 -0500, Gregory Morrow wrote:

> Paul M. Cook wrote:
>
>>
>> Really bad joke. Gratuitous animal cruelty doesn't work as joke material.
>> Won't be passing that one around.
>
>
> Oh come on, yappy l'il poodles are annoying and so are fodder for "snuff"
> jokes...in the same category as wetbacks, politically - correct leftists,
> muzlims, or other useless beings...

you forgot cocksuckers.

blake

On Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:54:44 +0000 (UTC), Steve Pope wrote:

> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright@gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>It didn't have to be a Marine, but it pretty much had to be a man.
>>Likewise, it had to be a dog or the punchline wouldn't work. There are far
>>more crude jokes than that, that target minority groups, etc.
>
> I have to deviate into a time-worn argument, but animals cannot
> fight back, or even express in words their disgust about anti-animal
> humor. That makes it all the more important not to joke
> about trashing them.
>
> Steve

very true. i think we should all return instead to eating them.

your pal,
blake

On Aug 25, 8:26*pm, Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwri...@gmail.com>
wrote:
> On Mon 25 Aug 2008 06:07:04p, Paul M. Cook told us...
>
>
>
>
>
> > "Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwri...@cox.net> wrote in message
> >news:Xns9B05B7911ED17wayneboatwrightatcox@69.16.1 85.250...
> >> On Mon 25 Aug 2008 04:07:41p, Paul M. Cook told us...
>
> >>> "ChattyCathy" <cathy1...@mailinator.com> wrote in message
> >>>news:g8vc23$not$1@registered.motzarella.org.. .
> >>>> The Marine and The French Woman
>
> >>>> The train was packed, and the U.S. Marine walked the entire length
> >>>> looking for a seat, but a well-dressed, Middle-aged, French woman's
> >>>> poodle was sitting in the only seat remaining.
>
> >>>> The weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
>
> >>>> The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in
> >>>> particular,'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that
> >>>> seat.'
>
> >>>> The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was
> >>>> under that dog.
>
> >>>> 'Please, ma'am. May I have that seat? I'm very tired.'
>
> >>>> She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also
> >>>> arrogant!'
>
> >>>> This time the Marine didn't say another word; he just picked up the
> >>>> little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
>
> >>>> The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honor! Put this American
> >>>> in his place!'
>
> >>>> An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up,'Sir, you Americans seem
> >>>> to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in
> >>>> the wrong hand, you drive your vehicles on the wrong side of the
> >>>> road........ And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch
> >>>> out the window.'
>
> >>> Really bad joke. *Gratuitous animal cruelty doesn't work as joke
> >> material.
> >>> Won't be passing that one around.
>
> >>> Paul
>
> >> Geez, Paul, it's just a joke. *It's not like it actually happened or
> >> would happen.
>
> > Hey, I'm cool but it's just very poor taste. *Why does the man have to
> > be a Marine, anyway? *Are they just supposed to be ruthless killers? *It
> > just sounds like something you'd read in Soldier of Fortune or Hustler.
>
> > Paul
>
> It didn't have to be a Marine, but it pretty much had to be a man. *
> Likewise, it had to be a dog or the punchline wouldn't work. *There arefar
> more crude jokes than that, that target minority groups, etc. *I remember
> back in the late 1960s/early 1970s how ethnic jokes were very specific as
> to race or nationality. *In order to continue teling those jokes *theterm
> was usually changed to a person of "certain ethnic background". *Did it
> make a difference? *Probably not. *There are still religious jokes that
> include a Rabi, Priest, and Minister. *They don't work otherwise, and I
> doubt that many people consider it a slur on any particular group.
>
> Many jokes are derogatory but they're not malicious. *What's the difference
> between a joke about an Irish person, a black person, a Polish person,
> etc.? *Only what so-called political correctness dictates. *AFAIC,
> political correctness is just so much bull shit.
>
> Someone could crack a joke about men named "Paul". *Would you take that
> personally or consider that derogatory?
>
> --
> * * * * * * *Wayne Boatwright * * * * * *
>
> *******************************************
> Date: Monday, 08(VIII)/25(XXV)/08(MMVIII)
> *******************************************
> * * * * *Countdown till Labor Day * * * *
> * * * * * * *6dys 5hrs 45mins * * * * * * *
> *******************************************
> * *Look! He's protecting himself with a *
> * * * * * * zesty tartar sauce. * * * * * *
> *******************************************

Psssssssssssssst, Wayne

There are 2 Bs in "Rabbi".

Love,
Lynn in Fargo
;-)

On Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:41:01 -0700, Blinky the Shark wrote:

> Steve Pope wrote:
>
>> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwright@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>>>It didn't have to be a Marine, but it pretty much had to be a man.
>>>Likewise, it had to be a dog or the punchline wouldn't work. There are far
>>>more crude jokes than that, that target minority groups, etc.
>>
>> I have to deviate into a time-worn argument, but animals cannot
>> fight back, or even express in words their disgust about anti-animal
>> humor. That makes it all the more important not to joke
>> about trashing them.
>
> Please report back with a count of how many dogs have been offended by the
> telling of that joke.

but fluffy is *so* sensitive, i'd never tell her that joke. she might read
it behind my back though, the sneaky little bitch.

your pal,
blake

> For that reason, I find the 2 jokes equivalent. In neither one could
> the event have really happened. (Just like the clown who didn't really
> get hurt or the drunk who really wasn't that stupid.) (If it did really
> happen as when small dogs do get thrown out of cars, it wouldn't be at all
> funny-- as you note.) In both jokes, the fun is in the word play (play on
> "bitch," play on "Miles/miles being both a noun and a man's name.)



Well I know the Irish don't take themselves so seriously that they don;t
have a laugh at their own expense. They write those jokes, many of them.
You'd be surprised how few people get that grave yard joke until it is
explained to them. They might like jokes evoking images of horror a bit
better. I think that is why it is so unfunny - it makes a person sick just
to picture it. Kind of like jokes about being raped or murdered or maybybe
having your family killed in front of you. Not the kind of stuff you want
to tell at the office Christmas party. But three happy-go-lucky old Irish
guys mistaking a gravestone for a milestone simply does not evoke anything
of the kind. You see the thing is what that "joke" depicted actually *does*
happen.

Paul

On Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:02:02 -0700, Paul M. Cook wrote:

> "Blinky the Shark" <no.spam@box.invalid> wrote in message
> newsan.2008.08.26.02.51.31.940537@thurston.blink ynet.net...
>>
>> It appears you stopped reading at that action. Well, no wonder you don't
>> get the joke. You didn't get TO the humor. See, Paul, that usually comes
>> at the end.
>>
>
> Yeah, I read the whole thing. You must mean that hilarious part at the end
> where the woman is referred to as a "bitch" in this case play on words
> referring to her (murdered) female dog. I'm laughing so hard I got phlegm
> coming out my nostrils.
>
> Paul

now that would be funny.

blake

"Paul M. Cook" <pmcook@gte.net>
news:g8vk0s$4kq$1@registered.motzarella.org: in rec.food.cooking

>
> I'll admit I have had the urge to throw a few people off a train or a
> high rise window but I've yet to wish that upon an animal.

Oh! I can relate to this.

Michael


--
"No More Getting Jerked Around by the Gas Nozzle"
~ Senator Larry Craig R-Idaho on Cspan-2


To email - michael at lonergan dot us dot com

On Tue, 26 Aug 2008 07:23:34 -0700, Paul M. Cook wrote:

> "Julia Altshuler" <jaltshuler@comcast.net> wrote in message
> news:GbKdnTsauennnynVnZ2dnUVZ_qjinZ2d@comcast.com. ..
>> Paul,
>>
>>
>> I hear what you're saying and think you have a point. I don't agree with
>> it, but I don't think you're altogether wrong. Give us an example of a
>> funny joke, something that tickles your funnybone, makes you laugh, and
>> doesn't offend you.
>
>
> I did already, couple of them. I was never swept up into the "hate the
> French fervor" that was typical post-911. Took me a little while to
> understand the reason a Marine was the killer and why it was so funny to
> victimize its French owner.
>
> Paul

i would be completely astounded if that joke did not predate 9/11. maybe
even wwii. you need a little stronger straw to grasp at.

blake

Jerry Gaiser <jerryg@gaiser.org> news:slrngb6khl.brf.jerryg@gaiser.org:
in rec.food.cooking

>
> Mostly I lurk, but as long as we're telling groaners....

Hey Jerry. Welcome to the world of the de-lurkers Throw some of your
cooking knowledge our way, will ya'?

Michael

--
"No More Getting Jerked Around by the Gas Nozzle"
~ Senator Larry Craig R-Idaho on Cspan-2


To email - michael at lonergan dot us dot com

On Aug 25, 10:03*pm, "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> wrote:
> "Saerah Gray" <anisae...@oohay.com> wrote in message
>
> news:Xns9B05EA0AEB2C9anisaerahoohaycom@207.115.33. 102...
>
>
>
> > "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> fnord
> >news:g8vr2q$9ov$1@registered.motzarella.org:
>
> >> "Blinky the Shark" <no.s...@box.invalid> wrote in message
> >>newsan.2008.08.26.02.41.01.108837@thurston.bli nkynet.net...
> >>> Steve Pope wrote:
>
> >>>> Wayne Boatwright *<wayneboatwri...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> >>>>>It didn't have to be a Marine, but it pretty much had to be a man.
> >>>>>Likewise, it had to be a dog or the punchline wouldn't work. *There
> >>>>>are far
> >>>>>more crude jokes than that, that target minority groups, etc.
>
> >>>> I have to deviate into a time-worn argument, but animals cannot
> >>>> fight back, or even express in words their disgust about anti-animal
> >>>> humor. *That makes it all the more important not to joke
> >>>> about trashing them.
>
> >>> Please report back with a count of how many dogs have been offended
> >>> by the telling of that joke.
>
> >> That's just why the joke isn't funny. *A guy kills a little dog
> >> because he's pissed at it's owner? *What if instead of throwing it
> >> from the train he bludgeoned it to death with a club.
>
> > Because that would make no sense. The bludgeoned dog would still be
> > occupying the seat.
>
> >> *Would that be
> >> more or less funny? *What if instead of a dog it was a baby? *Would
> >> that be funny?
>
> > Uh, no. the punchline wouldn't work then.
>
> >> *How many infants would be offended by that joke?
>
> > Don't tell me you've never heard of dead baby jokes?
>
> If somebody posted one here, I'd probably make a comment about it's
> tastelessness, yes. *It's been determined I don't get humor, so let's just
> drop it.
>
> Paul
================================================== ====
Poor, poor Paul.
Seriously, I really feel sorry for people who have no sense of humor.
It's a skill required for human survival.

Lynn in Fargo
Donating my body to science - but not before I get "Hey! I sang
already!" tattooed on my very plump body.
Definitely gonna have the Last Laugh!

On Aug 25, 11:13*pm, Alexm <amcwill...@msn.com> wrote:
> On Aug 25, 9:51*pm, "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> wrote:
>
>
>
> > "Blinky the Shark" <no.s...@box.invalid> wrote in messagenewsan.2008.08.26.02.41.01.108837@thursto n.blinkynet.net...
>
> > > Steve Pope wrote:
>
> > >> Wayne Boatwright *<wayneboatwri...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > >>>It didn't have to be a Marine, but it pretty much had to be a man.
> > >>>Likewise, it had to be a dog or the punchline wouldn't work. *There are
> > >>>far
> > >>>more crude jokes than that, that target minority groups, etc.
>
> > >> I have to deviate into a time-worn argument, but animals cannot
> > >> fight back, or even express in words their disgust about anti-animal
> > >> humor. *That makes it all the more important not to joke
> > >> about trashing them.
>
> > > Please report back with a count of how many dogs have been offended by the
> > > telling of that joke.
>
> > That's just why the joke isn't funny. *A guy kills a little dog because he's
> > pissed at it's owner? *What if instead of throwing it from the train he
> > bludgeoned it to death with a club. *Would that be more or less funny? *What
> > if instead of a dog it was a baby? *Would that be funny? *How many infants
> > would be offended by that joke?
>
> > Paul- Hide quoted text -
>
> > - Show quoted text -
>
> Now here is the rest of the story. *The poodle did not really belong
> to the woman - she had kidnaped it. *Also the train was not traveling
> very fast which happenstance allowed for the safe four-paw-landing of
> the dog. *Afrer wandering for several days the poodle was taken in by
> a kind family. *They marveled at the dog's features and eventually
> entered it into a canine show where it won first prize - a blue
> ribbon. *The woman on the train was on her way to the far east and
> intended to give the poodle to her favorite chef when she arrived
> there and was looking forward to having one of her favorite meals -
> poodle-noodle. *The marine was also on his way to the far east - but
> that is another story.
>
> AlexM

Bwwwwwwwaaaaahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!

Now THAT's funny!
Lynn in Fargo

"Lynn from Fargo" <lynngiff@i29.net> wrote in message
news:929fb18d-5d8d-4a01-8583-d6d8bd452f8f@i20g2000prf.googlegroups.com...
On Aug 25, 10:03 pm, "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> wrote:
> "Saerah Gray" <anisae...@oohay.com> wrote in message
>
> news:Xns9B05EA0AEB2C9anisaerahoohaycom@207.115.33. 102...
>
>
>
> > "Paul M. Cook" <pmc...@gte.net> fnord
> >news:g8vr2q$9ov$1@registered.motzarella.org:
>
> >> "Blinky the Shark" <no.s...@box.invalid> wrote in message
> >>newsan.2008.08.26.02.41.01.108837@thurston.bli nkynet.net...
> >>> Steve Pope wrote:
>
> >>>> Wayne Boatwright <wayneboatwri...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> >>>>>It didn't have to be a Marine, but it pretty much had to be a man.
> >>>>>Likewise, it had to be a dog or the punchline wouldn't work. There
> >>>>>are far
> >>>>>more crude jokes than that, that target minority groups, etc.
>
> >>>> I have to deviate into a time-worn argument, but animals cannot
> >>>> fight back, or even express in words their disgust about anti-animal
> >>>> humor. That makes it all the more important not to joke
> >>>> about trashing them.
>
> >>> Please report back with a count of how many dogs have been offended
> >>> by the telling of that joke.
>
> >> That's just why the joke isn't funny. A guy kills a little dog
> >> because he's pissed at it's owner? What if instead of throwing it
> >> from the train he bludgeoned it to death with a club.
>
> > Because that would make no sense. The bludgeoned dog would still be
> > occupying the seat.
>
> >> Would that be
> >> more or less funny? What if instead of a dog it was a baby? Would
> >> that be funny?
>
> > Uh, no. the punchline wouldn't work then.
>
> >> How many infants would be offended by that joke?
>
> > Don't tell me you've never heard of dead baby jokes?
>
> If somebody posted one here, I'd probably make a comment about it's
> tastelessness, yes. It's been determined I don't get humor, so let's just
> drop it.
>
> Paul
================================================== ====
Poor, poor Paul.
Seriously, I really feel sorry for people who have no sense of humor.
It's a skill required for human survival.


Like we agreed, if a person doesn't like that "joke" they just don't have a
sense of humor. What else is there to say?

Paul