Thread: For TJ, parody song idea

On Oct 10, 9:06*am, "Somebody" <e...@mail.au> wrote:



>
> "Who Let the Farts Out? *Who, Who, Who?"
>
> You could collaborate with the Al, and Townsend & Daltrey. *Just try and
> leave your ego at the door, and not in the recording; I know you are a man
> that likes his farts. *Let me know and I can try and setup some VCs. *My
> people will get with your people. *How is next Tuesday afternoon at 2?



My farts come slow the older I get. I miss the boomers. I think
I have a blockage in my intestines that will not allow the farts to
roll out en masse. They have to squeak their way through. Still, now
that I'm older and feeling more generous with an "oh what the hell,
I'm gonna die soon anyway" attitude, I am able to reveal one of the
secrets that have allowed me to live a healthy life regardless of the
many bad habits I had. I did it by eating a handful of farts each
morning.

It's not an easy dish to make. It's not cooking per se, it's
more like hunting. You've got to corral the farts as soon as they
come out of the asshole. The nutrients in farts die quickly as the
farts hit the air, so they must be scooped up quickly and eaten to get
the full nutritional blast.

Drink a hot glass of water with a tablespoon of honey and
vinegar blended in, then lie down and wait. As you feel the farts
about to emerge, get into a sitting position with your hips arched
forward to raise your asshole off the sheets. Now, as the farts
emerge, reach down with two hands and catch the invisible buggers in
the palm of your hand and swiftly raise it to your mouth and inhale
into the throat only, then swallow. Not easy to do. But once you
accomplish this once-daily ritual, you will know the energy and
fearlessness of your youth.

TJ

"Tommy Joe" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..

TJ
---

my ex claims I used to fart in my sleep. But I don't think so... When I
wake up, well-- I'm usually kind of bottled up when I get up in the
morning.

Tommy Joe <[email protected]> wrote:
>
> My farts come slow the older I get. I miss the boomers. I think
>I have a blockage in my intestines that will not allow the farts to
>roll out en masse. They have to squeak their way through. Still, now
>that I'm older and feeling more generous with an "oh what the hell,
>I'm gonna die soon anyway" attitude, I am able to reveal one of the
>secrets that have allowed me to live a healthy life regardless of the
>many bad habits I had. I did it by eating a handful of farts each
>morning.
>
> It's not an easy dish to make. It's not cooking per se, it's
>more like hunting. You've got to corral the farts as soon as they
>come out of the asshole. The nutrients in farts die quickly as the
>farts hit the air, so they must be scooped up quickly and eaten to get
>the full nutritional blast.
>
> Drink a hot glass of water with a tablespoon of honey and
>vinegar blended in, then lie down and wait. As you feel the farts
>about to emerge, get into a sitting position with your hips arched
>forward to raise your asshole off the sheets. Now, as the farts
>emerge, reach down with two hands and catch the invisible buggers in
>the palm of your hand and swiftly raise it to your mouth and inhale
>into the throat only, then swallow. Not easy to do. But once you
>accomplish this once-daily ritual, you will know the energy and
>fearlessness of your youth.
>
>TJ

Wouldn't it be a lot easier if you slept with Bwrrrryan?

On Oct 11, 6:42*am, "Somebody" <e...@mail.au> wrote:

> my ex claims I used to fart in my sleep. *But I don't think so... *When I
> wake up, well-- *I'm usually kind of bottled up when I get up in the
> morning.


You mean after all these years in this hi tech age they have not
yet come up with a fart counting machine? That's hard to believe. Or
an odor-meter that measures the reek of the fart the way chile peppers
are ranked for heat. The lonely fart is left to fend for itself in a
world of hi tech chaos. It is the lone voice of sanity humming in the
blustering overtones of the future. The fart lives on. Forever.

TJ

On Oct 11, 1:50*pm, Brooklyn1 <Gravesend1> wrote:

> Wouldn't it be a lot easier if you slept with Bwrrrryan?



In my 30s - no exaggeration - I farted probably 500 times a day.
Pretty impressive when you consider that I held some in around certain
people. That was the worst, having to fart and not being allowed.
Now I live alone and have no one or no thing to hinder my desire to
fart, yet I cannot fart. Oh the irony, oh the injustice. Really
though, I do think there's something amiss with my guts as not only
the farts but also the turds are emerging with a sluggish anti-gusto
attitude that has me annoyed and worried at the same time. You know
how taking your last breath could be a really horrible moment? The
last breath to go out and nothing comes in return. At that moment of
intense personal despair, surely a nice long booming fart would take
the edge off. Perhaps the greatest tranquilizer ever - the human
fart.

TJ