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Thread: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

  1. #1
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving


    SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    We cut to the obligatory tablescape and OMG! There's a maimed pheasant on
    the table!

    We return to SLop walking into the faux pantry holding a wreath and
    wearing a fur coat of some sort, no doubt a present from The Wallet and
    starts to blah blah blah about having a nice ride. I am guessing that she
    meant on Lady the horse, but I doubt that nag can manage that, and when I
    say "nag", I meant SLop.

    SLop tells us how to make her best marinade, then immediately calls it a
    rub. What the ****? SLop fetches a big brandy sniffer of boozed-up coffee
    in the fridge and starts to chug. She tells us she'll show us how to make
    it later.

    SLop's "tip": Clean the bones or they'll burn. Make the butcher do it if
    it's beyond your ability.

    SLop's marinade is a rub made of herb dip and peppercorn seasoning, mixed
    with worchester sauce. SLop confides that she cannot pronounce it. Yes,
    we already know you can't say it, bitch. Remember, you confided this to
    us last time you used it and at the beginning of the French Farce ep.
    SLop mixes it up with a fork instead of something sensible, like a spoon.

    Whoah! Stunt rub! The rub is suddenly all mixed up and heaped into a
    corner of the pan. it's also considerably darker than it was a few
    seconds ago.

    SLop's "tip": The butcher can tie the roast up for you. This is what, the
    THIRD time you've told us this?

    SLop smears the rub on meat, with a fork.

    SLop tells us that crown roast feeds a lot of people and is elegant. You
    can even serve it in addition to the turkey!

    SLop's "tip": Cover bone tips with aluminum foil so they don't burn (or
    use tiny chef hats) SLop couldn't find any for some reason in ten stores
    (yet she manages to find "truffle oil" and other weird ingredients), so
    she's using aluminum foil this time. Real classy lookin', SLop.

    SLop's "tip": Take the foil off the bones before serving!

    SLop starts to work on the stuffing. She tells us to take some spicy
    Italian sausage, remove it from the casings, and crumble it. SLop puts
    the split sausage into the pan and then starts removing the contents from
    their casings. Yes, IN THE PAN. She then crumbles it with a fork and adds
    condensed golden mushroom soup, which makes it "creamy and delicious"
    (why does she always describe food with those two words?). Oh, she forgot
    to include "salty" too. SLop then kicks it up a notch by adding a can of
    chicken stock. Wow, looks like diarrhea...

    SLop pulls out a fully-cooked roast and sets it aside to rest. "Mmmm,
    very nice!"

    SLop dumps a packet of instant mushroom onion soup mix and parsley for
    the stuffing. She likes dried herbs because they are stronger, which is
    why she uses them. Once the sauce thickens she dumps half a package of
    croutons into the mix and makes extra for snacking on later. She then
    scoops the vomitous stuffing into the crown roast. SLop adds a little
    water into the bottom of the pan so when the juices dry up the pan will
    still be moist. Whatever. SLop then proceeds to put the pan back into the
    oven but has trouble opening the door with the pan in her hands. SLop's
    touret's kicks in and she lets out a loud "I need a third hand. Whoooot!"
    as she clumsily gets the pan into the oven. She then promises to show us
    how to make her pumpkin spice cake with "Ball leaf nose scrape".

    We fade to a promo for "Let's Talk Turkey!". Hmm, no sign of SLop to be
    seen anywhere...

    SLop tells us we need canned pumpkin and orange liquor to make a good
    spice cake. She pulls out the roast again to await its final fate. SLop
    mixes up a package of yellow cake mix and a package of spice cake mix.
    She takes the spice package which is normally used for the bundt cake
    "swirl" and dumps it into the mix. SLop breathlessly announces her secret
    ingredient: pumpkin pie spice. Hmm, a copper-colored KA mixer.

    SLop then butters the pan with a stick of butter. SL loves the shapes of
    bundt pans and takes out the extra stuffing from the oven. She then adds
    flour to the Teflon pan to coat it. Hmm, kinda heavy on the butter and
    flour there...
    She then adds one cup of canned pumpkin to the mix. SLop explains that
    she added the flour in pan because it helps the cake dough rise. Moron.

    While the cake bakes, she works on the glaze. She puts a MV cake onto a
    cooling rack and mixes OJ and one whole big bag of powdered sugar with a
    whisk. She then adds OJ liquor (beware of open flames) and then colors it
    with 20 drops of yellow food coloring and 4 drops of red to make it
    orange. Unfortunately, it's the same color as Cheeze Whiz. NO SLop, that
    is NOT a perfect pumpkin orange color! I guess it doesn't matter anyway
    since it's going to be a centerpiece. She takes another break before
    showing us how to make the "No gay bow kay". ANOTHER break? Criminy! She
    puts the brown crown roast on a brown serving plate and just HAS to taste
    the drippings. She has a little orgasm in her mouth but alas, she's not
    going to make it into gravy this time.

    We cut to a yet ANOTHER commercial break and hmm, those Helman's recipes
    look so much better than SLop's concoctions. Heh. Then we see a promo
    for Half Baked SLop. Hmm, I just noticed she looks SO stoned out of her
    gourd at the end, where she's sitting next to a bunch of giant lollipops
    wearing a pink sweater with the hair mussing her hair as she stares
    vacantly into space...

    We return to the show and SLop announces "Happy Thanksgiving COCKTAIL
    TIME!" as the now familiar pop-up graphic reveals itself. SLop announces
    she's going to make a hot apple cider toddie. What about that iced coffee
    you promised earlier? SLop heats up cider and two big shots of whisky
    (warning us about any open flames nearby), then takes a stick of butter
    and mixes it with some nutmeg and cinnamon and ground cloves and brown
    sugar in the copper KA mixing machine. SLop likes the butter because it
    makes the drink rich and delicious. Yeah, what HAVEN'T you described as
    "rich and delicious"? She then dumps the butter mixture into glasses with
    a cinnamon stick and embellished with leaves. Hmm, she didn't use
    clothespins, thank gawd. She mixes some pumpkin pie spices and graham
    cracker crumbs as a topping. For a drink? The hell? SLop takes one tub of
    coolwhip and mixes in some rum extract. I am totally shocked that she
    didn't put it into another container to do this. SLop explains that
    there's no need to mess up another bowl and that the extract will makes
    the coolwhip taste fresh.
    SLop then dumps the cider into a measuring cup, then into the heatproof
    cognac glasses. Didn't you just tell us not to use more dishes than
    necessary?
    She then adds a dollop of coolwhip to each one and sprinkles the graham
    cracker mix over it. Gag me with a spoon. A dessert cocktail!

    SLop walks to the tablescape with a goblet of her "dessert cocktail" in
    each hand and sets them down. She then shows us how to make that "no gay
    foze scape": Take some leaves and bundle them with berry wire, then add
    some roses, clipping long ends with a pair of pliers (I would use
    scissors myself) and shoving the whole thing into the center of the cake.
    I feel sorry for that poor pheasant thing on the table. She also
    recommends using the extra berry wire and a leaf around the stems of
    your glassware to make a beautiful glass that everyone will love. Ewww!
    There's a shot of the glass filled with what looks like vomit streaked
    with something white! She used umber colored tablecloth with matching
    napkins so everything matches. SLop then shows us her lovely pheasant
    centerpiece that she embellished with leaves and feathers, except it's
    ghastly. Why didn't she use a TURKEY, for gawd's sake? SLop says she's
    going to be serving the supper (which consists of crown roast and that
    nasty cider) buffet-style, but for some reason put place settings at the
    same table as the food. Idiot. Anyhow, SLop announces she has to refill
    her cups (for "Colleen", I guess) and sways as she closes out with a lame
    variation of her "Keep it semi-homemade" line.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
    "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
    where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
    Lee.





  2. #2
    George Leppla Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    Ubiquitous wrote:
    > SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    > to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    > on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    > yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    > Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!



    You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? Seems to me you
    could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    wasting time on something you dislike so much.

    FWIW - I don't like the show either. I saw it a couple of times to give
    it a chance but didn't care for it. Fortunately, no one is forcing me
    to watch it.... or report on it.

    George L

  3. #3
    Spencerdogg Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-HomemadeThanksgiving

    On Dec 2, 7:30*am, George Leppla <geo...@cruisemaster.com> wrote:
    > Ubiquitous wrote:
    > > SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    > > to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    > > on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    > > yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    > > Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    >
    > You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    > you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? *Seems to me you
    > could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    > wasting time on something you dislike so much.
    >
    > FWIW - I don't like the show either. *I saw it a couple of times to give
    > it a chance but didn't care for it. *Fortunately, no one is forcing me
    > to watch it.... or report on it.
    >
    > George L


    So George this is what you doing since leaving avlv? Just happened
    across your post and remembered you haven't been around avlv for quite
    a while.

  4. #4
    George Leppla Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    Spencerdogg wrote:
    > On Dec 2, 7:30 am, George Leppla <geo...@cruisemaster.com> wrote:
    >> Ubiquitous wrote:
    >>> SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    >>> to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    >>> on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    >>> yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    >>> Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    >> You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    >> you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? Seems to me you
    >> could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    >> wasting time on something you dislike so much.
    >>
    >> FWIW - I don't like the show either. I saw it a couple of times to give
    >> it a chance but didn't care for it. Fortunately, no one is forcing me
    >> to watch it.... or report on it.
    >>
    >> George L

    >
    > So George this is what you doing since leaving avlv? Just happened
    > across your post and remembered you haven't been around avlv for quite
    > a while.



    LOL... I go to Vegas maybe once or twice a year.... I eat and cook every
    day. I still read alt.vacation.las-vegas but since I don't have any
    trips planned I don't have much to say.

    George L

  5. #5
    Dave Bugg Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    George Leppla wrote:
    > Ubiquitous wrote:
    >> SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they
    >> seem to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week.
    >> SLop babbles on and on about being thankful for things this time of
    >> year, yada yada yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place
    >> for Thanksgiving. Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    >
    >
    > You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    > you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? Seems to me you
    > could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    > wasting time on something you dislike so much.


    I used to enjoy these posts, too. Now these posts are tired and long in the
    tooth; sort of like a TV sitcom which used to be clever and funny but fails
    to recognize that it 'Jumped the Shark' long ago. It is time for a new
    sitcom. I'm just going to skip these SLop posts from now on; they just
    aren't that clever or funny anymore.
    --
    Dave
    What is best in life? "To crush your enemies, see them driven before
    you, and to hear the lamentation of the women." -- Conan



  6. #6
    Anim8rFSK Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    In article <[email protected]>,
    George Leppla <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Ubiquitous wrote:
    > > SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    > > to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    > > on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    > > yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    > > Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    >
    >
    > You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    > you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? Seems to me you
    > could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    > wasting time on something you dislike so much.
    >
    > FWIW - I don't like the show either. I saw it a couple of times to give
    > it a chance but didn't care for it. Fortunately, no one is forcing me
    > to watch it.... or report on it.
    >
    > George L


    We've pretty much stopped watching at this point; the money saving
    schtick is just annoying and not entertaining.

    --
    Stargate Universe SGU: It puts the "U" in "SUCKS"!
    It's the show 'Defiling Gravity' would be if DG had more regulars,
    fewer abortions, worse writers, and no budget for lighting.
    Remember, you can't spell "disgust" without SGU!

  7. #7
    Steve Calvin Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    Dave Bugg wrote:
    > George Leppla wrote:
    >> Ubiquitous wrote:
    >>> SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they
    >>> seem to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week.
    >>> SLop babbles on and on about being thankful for things this time of
    >>> year, yada yada yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place
    >>> for Thanksgiving. Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    >>
    >> You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    >> you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? Seems to me you
    >> could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    >> wasting time on something you dislike so much.

    >
    > I used to enjoy these posts, too. Now these posts are tired and long in the
    > tooth; sort of like a TV sitcom which used to be clever and funny but fails
    > to recognize that it 'Jumped the Shark' long ago. It is time for a new
    > sitcom. I'm just going to skip these SLop posts from now on; they just
    > aren't that clever or funny anymore.


    THANKS Dave, et. al. !

    FINALLY some voices of reason join the fray. I tried and got shouted
    down so I simply kf'd "it" but that doesn't help all of the replies.
    Do I watch the show? No, because I don't care for it. But I don't logon
    and bitch about it endlessly either.

    Hopefully people will just begin to ignore the single tracked mined bore
    and I won't see any of this drivel.
    One can only hope.

    --
    Steve
    p.s.: Dave - I really hope you're doing better and the meds are
    working for you!

  8. #8
    Anim8rFSK Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    In article <4b172bef$0$31272$[email protected]>,
    Steve Calvin <[email protected]> wrote:

    > Dave Bugg wrote:
    > > George Leppla wrote:
    > >> Ubiquitous wrote:
    > >>> SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they
    > >>> seem to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week.
    > >>> SLop babbles on and on about being thankful for things this time of
    > >>> year, yada yada yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place
    > >>> for Thanksgiving. Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!
    > >>
    > >> You know... I sometimes enjoy these posts but I have to wonder.... if
    > >> you detest this show so much, why do you watch it? Seems to me you
    > >> could find something that would entertain or educate you rather than
    > >> wasting time on something you dislike so much.

    > >
    > > I used to enjoy these posts, too. Now these posts are tired and long in the
    > > tooth; sort of like a TV sitcom which used to be clever and funny but fails
    > > to recognize that it 'Jumped the Shark' long ago. It is time for a new
    > > sitcom. I'm just going to skip these SLop posts from now on; they just
    > > aren't that clever or funny anymore.

    >
    > THANKS Dave, et. al. !
    >
    > FINALLY some voices of reason join the fray. I tried and got shouted
    > down so I simply kf'd "it" but that doesn't help all of the replies.
    > Do I watch the show? No, because I don't care for it. But I don't logon
    > and bitch about it endlessly either.
    >
    > Hopefully people will just begin to ignore the single tracked mined bore
    > and I won't see any of this drivel.
    > One can only hope.


    Or we could just plonk you, since you don't add a thing. You're really
    so galactically stupid you're unable to not read the Sandra Lee threads?

    --
    Stargate Universe SGU: It puts the "U" in "SUCKS"!
    It's the show 'Defiling Gravity' would be if DG had more regulars,
    fewer abortions, worse writers, and no budget for lighting.
    Remember, you can't spell "disgust" without SGU!

  9. #9
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    [email protected] wrote:
    >Anim8rFSK wrote:


    >> Or we could just plonk you, since you don't add a thing. You're
    >> really so galactically stupid you're unable to not read the Sandra
    >> Lee threads?

    >
    >Don't bother asshole - this group is nothing but a few cross-posting
    >idiots spewing bull**** about one show and isn't worth taking up the
    >space on my groups list -
    >
    >****ing ridiculous


    Ad hominem noted. Get back to us when you have a real argument to make.


    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating
    the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not
    sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of
    Miss Lee.



  10. #10
    Anim8rFSK Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    In article <[email protected]>,
    Ubiquitous <[email protected]> wrote:

    > [email protected] wrote:
    > >Anim8rFSK wrote:

    >
    > >> Or we could just plonk you, since you don't add a thing. You're
    > >> really so galactically stupid you're unable to not read the Sandra
    > >> Lee threads?

    > >
    > >Don't bother asshole - this group is nothing but a few cross-posting
    > >idiots spewing bull**** about one show and isn't worth taking up the
    > >space on my groups list -
    > >
    > >****ing ridiculous

    >
    > Ad hominem noted. Get back to us when you have a real argument to make.


    Cool, he ran away yelling wee wee wee all the way home?

    --
    Happy 30th Anniversary
    STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE
    http://www.onedigitallife.com/images...on-picture.jpg
    "The Human Adventure Is Just Beginning"

  11. #11
    tom Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving


    "Anim8rFSK" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]..
    > In article <[email protected]>,
    > Ubiquitous <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    >> [email protected] wrote:
    >> >Anim8rFSK wrote:

    >>
    >> >> Or we could just plonk you, since you don't add a thing. You're
    >> >> really so galactically stupid you're unable to not read the Sandra
    >> >> Lee threads?
    >> >
    >> >Don't bother asshole - this group is nothing but a few cross-posting
    >> >idiots spewing bull**** about one show and isn't worth taking up the
    >> >space on my groups list -
    >> >
    >> >****ing ridiculous

    >>
    >> Ad hominem noted. Get back to us when you have a real argument to make.

    >
    > Cool, he ran away yelling wee wee wee all the way home?
    >
    > --


    Ubiq, Keep em coming. Some are better than others but all are better than
    nothing. And a more deserving subject you'll never find.


  12. #12
    Anim8rFSK Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving

    In article <hflte1$h1q$[email protected]>, "tom" <~@~.com>
    wrote:

    > "Anim8rFSK" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected]..
    > > In article <[email protected]>,
    > > Ubiquitous <[email protected]> wrote:
    > >
    > >> [email protected] wrote:
    > >> >Anim8rFSK wrote:
    > >>
    > >> >> Or we could just plonk you, since you don't add a thing. You're
    > >> >> really so galactically stupid you're unable to not read the Sandra
    > >> >> Lee threads?
    > >> >
    > >> >Don't bother asshole - this group is nothing but a few cross-posting
    > >> >idiots spewing bull**** about one show and isn't worth taking up the
    > >> >space on my groups list -
    > >> >
    > >> >****ing ridiculous
    > >>
    > >> Ad hominem noted. Get back to us when you have a real argument to make.

    > >
    > > Cool, he ran away yelling wee wee wee all the way home?
    > >
    > > --

    >
    > Ubiq, Keep em coming. Some are better than others but all are better than
    > nothing. And a more deserving subject you'll never find.


    What he said.

    --
    Happy 30th Anniversary
    STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE
    http://www.onedigitallife.com/images...on-picture.jpg
    "The Human Adventure Is Just Beginning"

  13. #13
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving


  14. #14
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving


    SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    We cut to the obligatory tablescape and OMG! There's a maimed pheasant
    on the table!

    We return to SLop walking into the faux pantry holding a wreath and
    wearing a fur coat of some sort, no doubt a present from The Wallet and
    starts to blah blah blah about having a nice ride. I am guessing that
    she meant on Lady the horse, but I doubt that nag can manage that, and
    when I say "nag", I meant SLop.

    SLop tells us how to make her best marinade, then immediately calls it a
    rub. What the ****? SLop fetches a big brandy sniffer of boozed-up
    coffee in the fridge and starts to chug. She tells us she'll show us how
    to make it later.

    SLop's "tip": Clean the bones or they'll burn. Make the butcher do it if
    it's beyond your ability.

    SLop's marinade is a rub made of herb dip and peppercorn seasoning,
    mixed with worchester sauce. SLop confides that she cannot pronounce it.
    Yes, we already know you can't say it, bitch. Remember, you confided
    this to us last time you used it and at the beginning of the French
    Farce ep. SLop mixes it up with a fork instead of something sensible,
    like a spoon.

    Whoah! Stunt rub! The rub is suddenly all mixed up and heaped into a
    corner of the pan. it's also considerably darker than it was a few
    seconds ago.

    SLop's "tip": The butcher can tie the roast up for you. This is what,
    the THIRD time you've told us this?

    SLop smears the rub on meat, with a fork.

    SLop tells us that crown roast feeds a lot of people and is elegant. You
    can even serve it in addition to the turkey!

    SLop's "tip": Cover bone tips with aluminum foil so they don't burn (or
    use tiny chef hats) SLop couldn't find any for some reason in ten stores
    (yet she manages to find "truffle oil" and other weird ingredients), so
    she's using aluminum foil this time. Real classy lookin', SLop.

    SLop's "tip": Take the foil off the bones before serving!

    SLop starts to work on the stuffing. She tells us to take some spicy
    Italian sausage, remove it from the casings, and crumble it. SLop puts
    the split sausage into the pan and then starts removing the contents
    from their casings. Yes, IN THE PAN. She then crumbles it with a fork
    and adds condensed golden mushroom soup, which makes it "creamy and
    delicious" (why does she always describe food with those two words?).
    Oh, she forgot to include "salty" too. SLop then kicks it up a notch by
    adding a can of chicken stock. Wow, looks like diarrhea...

    SLop pulls out a fully-cooked roast and sets it aside to rest. "Mmmm,
    very nice!"

    SLop dumps a packet of instant mushroom onion soup mix and parsley for
    the stuffing. She likes dried herbs because they are stronger, which is
    why she uses them. Once the sauce thickens she dumps half a package of
    croutons into the mix and makes extra for snacking on later. She then
    scoops the vomitous stuffing into the crown roast. SLop adds a little
    water into the bottom of the pan so when the juices dry up the pan will
    still be moist. Whatever. SLop then proceeds to put the pan back into
    the oven but has trouble opening the door with the pan in her hands.
    SLop's touret's kicks in and she lets out a loud "I need a third hand.
    Whoooot!" as she clumsily gets the pan into the oven. She then promises
    to show us how to make her pumpkin spice cake with "Ball leaf nose
    scrape".

    We fade to a promo for "Let's Talk Turkey!". Hmm, no sign of SLop to be
    seen anywhere...

    SLop tells us we need canned pumpkin and orange liquor to make a good
    spice cake. She pulls out the roast again to await its final fate. SLop
    mixes up a package of yellow cake mix and a package of spice cake mix.
    She takes the spice package which is normally used for the bundt cake
    "swirl" and dumps it into the mix. SLop breathlessly announces her
    secret ingredient: pumpkin pie spice. Hmm, a copper-colored KA mixer.

    SLop then butters the pan with a stick of butter. SL loves the shapes of
    bundt pans and takes out the extra stuffing from the oven. She then adds
    flour to the Teflon pan to coat it. Hmm, kinda heavy on the butter and
    flour there... She then adds one cup of canned pumpkin to the mix. SLop
    explains that she added the flour in pan because it helps the cake dough
    rise. Moron.

    While the cake bakes, she works on the glaze. She puts a MV cake onto a
    cooling rack and mixes OJ and one whole big bag of powdered sugar with a
    whisk. She then adds OJ liquor (beware of open flames) and then colors
    it with 20 drops of yellow food coloring and 4 drops of red to make it
    orange. Unfortunately, it's the same color as Cheeze Whiz. NO SLop, that
    is NOT a perfect pumpkin orange color! I guess it doesn't matter anyway
    since it's going to be a centerpiece. She takes another break before
    showing us how to make the "No gay bow kay". ANOTHER break? Criminy! She
    puts the brown crown roast on a brown serving plate and just HAS to
    taste the drippings. She has a little orgasm in her mouth but alas,
    she's not going to make it into gravy this time.

    We cut to a yet ANOTHER commercial break and hmm, those Helman's recipes
    look so much better than SLop's concoctions. Heh. Then we see a promo
    for Half Baked SLop. Hmm, I just noticed she looks SO stoned out of her
    gourd at the end, where she's sitting next to a bunch of giant lollipops
    wearing a pink sweater with the hair mussing her hair as she stares
    vacantly into space...

    We return to the show and SLop announces "Happy Thanksgiving COCKTAIL
    TIME!" as the now familiar pop-up graphic reveals itself. SLop announces
    she's going to make a hot apple cider toddie. What about that iced
    coffee you promised earlier? SLop heats up cider and two big shots of
    whisky (warning us about any open flames nearby), then takes a stick of
    butter and mixes it with some nutmeg and cinnamon and ground cloves and
    brown sugar in the copper KA mixing machine. SLop likes the butter
    because it makes the drink rich and delicious. Yeah, what HAVEN'T you
    described as "rich and delicious"? She then dumps the butter mixture
    into glasses with a cinnamon stick and embellished with leaves. Hmm, she
    didn't use clothespins, thank gawd. She mixes some pumpkin pie spices
    and graham cracker crumbs as a topping. For a drink? The hell? SLop
    takes one tub of coolwhip and mixes in some rum extract. I am totally
    shocked that she didn't put it into another container to do this. SLop
    explains that there's no need to mess up another bowl and that the
    extract will makes the coolwhip taste fresh. SLop then dumps the cider
    into a measuring cup, then into the heatproof cognac glasses. Didn't you
    just tell us not to use more dishes than necessary?
    She then adds a dollop of coolwhip to each one and sprinkles the graham
    cracker mix over it. Gag me with a spoon. A dessert cocktail!

    SLop walks to the tablescape with a goblet of her "dessert cocktail" in
    each hand and sets them down. She then shows us how to make that "no gay
    foze scape": Take some leaves and bundle them with berry wire, then add
    some roses, clipping long ends with a pair of pliers (I would use
    scissors myself) and shoving the whole thing into the center of the
    cake. I feel sorry for that poor pheasant thing on the table. She also
    recommends using the extra berry wire and a leaf around the stems of
    your glassware to make a beautiful glass that everyone will love. Ewww!
    There's a shot of the glass filled with what looks like vomit streaked
    with something white! She used umber colored tablecloth with matching
    napkins so everything matches. SLop then shows us her lovely pheasant
    centerpiece that she embellished with leaves and feathers, except it's
    ghastly. Why didn't she use a TURKEY, for gawd's sake? SLop says she's
    going to be serving the supper (which consists of crown roast and that
    nasty cider) buffet-style, but for some reason put place settings at the
    same table as the food. Idiot. Anyhow, SLop announces she has to refill
    her cups (for "Colleen", I guess) and sways as she closes out with a
    lame variation of her "Keep it semi-homemade" line.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating
    the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not
    sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of
    Miss Lee.




  15. #15
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Sandra Lee's Semi-Homemade Thanksgiving


    SLop enters our view with a horse (no nag jokes, please). Hmm, they seem
    to be using extra gauze and Vaseline on the lens this week. SLop babbles
    on and on about being thankful for things this time of year, yada yada
    yada. I'm just thankful I'm not eating at her place for Thanksgiving.
    Gosh, I hope Lady's not on the menu!

    We cut to the obligatory tablescape and OMG! There's a maimed pheasant
    on the table!

    We return to SLop walking into the faux pantry holding a wreath and
    wearing a fur coat of some sort, no doubt a present from The Wallet and
    starts to blah blah blah about having a nice ride. I am guessing that
    she meant on Lady the horse, but I doubt that nag can manage that, and
    when I say "nag", I meant SLop.

    SLop tells us how to make her best marinade, then immediately calls it a
    rub. What the ****? SLop fetches a big brandy sniffer of boozed-up
    coffee in the fridge and starts to chug. She tells us she'll show us how
    to make it later.

    SLop's "tip": Clean the bones or they'll burn. Make the butcher do it if
    it's beyond your ability.

    SLop's marinade is a rub made of herb dip and peppercorn seasoning,
    mixed with worchester sauce. SLop confides that she cannot pronounce it.
    Yes, we already know you can't say it, bitch. Remember, you confided
    this to us last time you used it and at the beginning of the French
    Farce ep. SLop mixes it up with a fork instead of something sensible,
    like a spoon.

    Whoah! Stunt rub! The rub is suddenly all mixed up and heaped into a
    corner of the pan. it's also considerably darker than it was a few
    seconds ago.

    SLop's "tip": The butcher can tie the roast up for you. This is what,
    the THIRD time you've told us this?

    SLop smears the rub on meat, with a fork.

    SLop tells us that crown roast feeds a lot of people and is elegant. You
    can even serve it in addition to the turkey!

    SLop's "tip": Cover bone tips with aluminum foil so they don't burn (or
    use tiny chef hats) SLop couldn't find any for some reason in ten stores
    (yet she manages to find "truffle oil" and other weird ingredients), so
    she's using aluminum foil this time. Real classy lookin', SLop.

    SLop's "tip": Take the foil off the bones before serving!

    SLop starts to work on the stuffing. She tells us to take some spicy
    Italian sausage, remove it from the casings, and crumble it. SLop puts
    the split sausage into the pan and then starts removing the contents
    from their casings. Yes, IN THE PAN. She then crumbles it with a fork
    and adds condensed golden mushroom soup, which makes it "creamy and
    delicious" (why does she always describe food with those two words?).
    Oh, she forgot to include "salty" too. SLop then kicks it up a notch by
    adding a can of chicken stock. Wow, looks like diarrhea...

    SLop pulls out a fully-cooked roast and sets it aside to rest. "Mmmm,
    very nice!"

    SLop dumps a packet of instant mushroom onion soup mix and parsley for
    the stuffing. She likes dried herbs because they are stronger, which is
    why she uses them. Once the sauce thickens she dumps half a package of
    croutons into the mix and makes extra for snacking on later. She then
    scoops the vomitous stuffing into the crown roast. SLop adds a little
    water into the bottom of the pan so when the juices dry up the pan will
    still be moist. Whatever. SLop then proceeds to put the pan back into
    the oven but has trouble opening the door with the pan in her hands.
    SLop's touret's kicks in and she lets out a loud "I need a third hand.
    Whoooot!" as she clumsily gets the pan into the oven. She then promises
    to show us how to make her pumpkin spice cake with "Ball leaf nose
    scrape".

    We fade to a promo for "Let's Talk Turkey!". Hmm, no sign of SLop to be
    seen anywhere...

    SLop tells us we need canned pumpkin and orange liquor to make a good
    spice cake. She pulls out the roast again to await its final fate. SLop
    mixes up a package of yellow cake mix and a package of spice cake mix.
    She takes the spice package which is normally used for the bundt cake
    "swirl" and dumps it into the mix. SLop breathlessly announces her
    secret ingredient: pumpkin pie spice. Hmm, a copper-colored KA mixer.

    SLop then butters the pan with a stick of butter. SL loves the shapes of
    bundt pans and takes out the extra stuffing from the oven. She then adds
    flour to the Teflon pan to coat it. Hmm, kinda heavy on the butter and
    flour there... She then adds one cup of canned pumpkin to the mix. SLop
    explains that she added the flour in pan because it helps the cake dough
    rise. Moron.

    While the cake bakes, she works on the glaze. She puts a MV cake onto a
    cooling rack and mixes OJ and one whole big bag of powdered sugar with a
    whisk. She then adds OJ liquor (beware of open flames) and then colors
    it with 20 drops of yellow food coloring and 4 drops of red to make it
    orange. Unfortunately, it's the same color as Cheeze Whiz. NO SLop, that
    is NOT a perfect pumpkin orange color! I guess it doesn't matter anyway
    since it's going to be a centerpiece. She takes another break before
    showing us how to make the "No gay bow kay". ANOTHER break? Criminy! She
    puts the brown crown roast on a brown serving plate and just HAS to
    taste the drippings. She has a little orgasm in her mouth but alas,
    she's not going to make it into gravy this time.

    We cut to a yet ANOTHER commercial break and hmm, those Helman's recipes
    look so much better than SLop's concoctions. Heh. Then we see a promo
    for Half Baked SLop. Hmm, I just noticed she looks SO stoned out of her
    gourd at the end, where she's sitting next to a bunch of giant lollipops
    wearing a pink sweater with the hair mussing her hair as she stares
    vacantly into space...

    We return to the show and SLop announces "Happy Thanksgiving COCKTAIL
    TIME!" as the now familiar pop-up graphic reveals itself. SLop announces
    she's going to make a hot apple cider toddie. What about that iced
    coffee you promised earlier? SLop heats up cider and two big shots of
    whisky (warning us about any open flames nearby), then takes a stick of
    butter and mixes it with some nutmeg and cinnamon and ground cloves and
    brown sugar in the copper KA mixing machine. SLop likes the butter
    because it makes the drink rich and delicious. Yeah, what HAVEN'T you
    described as "rich and delicious"? She then dumps the butter mixture
    into glasses with a cinnamon stick and embellished with leaves. Hmm, she
    didn't use clothespins, thank gawd. She mixes some pumpkin pie spices
    and graham cracker crumbs as a topping. For a drink? The hell? SLop
    takes one tub of coolwhip and mixes in some rum extract. I am totally
    shocked that she didn't put it into another container to do this. SLop
    explains that there's no need to mess up another bowl and that the
    extract will makes the coolwhip taste fresh. SLop then dumps the cider
    into a measuring cup, then into the heatproof cognac glasses. Didn't you
    just tell us not to use more dishes than necessary?
    She then adds a dollop of coolwhip to each one and sprinkles the graham
    cracker mix over it. Gag me with a spoon. A dessert cocktail!

    SLop walks to the tablescape with a goblet of her "dessert cocktail" in
    each hand and sets them down. She then shows us how to make that "no gay
    foze scape": Take some leaves and bundle them with berry wire, then add
    some roses, clipping long ends with a pair of pliers (I would use
    scissors myself) and shoving the whole thing into the center of the
    cake. I feel sorry for that poor pheasant thing on the table. She also
    recommends using the extra berry wire and a leaf around the stems of
    your glassware to make a beautiful glass that everyone will love. Ewww!
    There's a shot of the glass filled with what looks like vomit streaked
    with something white! She used umber colored tablecloth with matching
    napkins so everything matches. SLop then shows us her lovely pheasant
    centerpiece that she embellished with leaves and feathers, except it's
    ghastly. Why didn't she use a TURKEY, for gawd's sake? SLop says she's
    going to be serving the supper (which consists of crown roast and that
    nasty cider) buffet-style, but for some reason put place settings at the
    same table as the food. Idiot. Anyhow, SLop announces she has to refill
    her cups (for "Colleen", I guess) and sways as she closes out with a
    lame variation of her "Keep it semi-homemade" line.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
    assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating
    the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not
    sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of
    Miss Lee.





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