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Thread: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

  1. #1
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    SLop tells us "My grandma was from LA, so in her honor I'm making
    something 'LA easy'". Yeah, whatever.
    SLop rattles off her menu for this week. Snicker. That BANANA'S Foster
    Cocktail looks ridiculous with that banana sticking out of the cup!

    SLop starts working on the salmon croquettes, but starts on the sauce by
    telling us "Into a bowl I want to put some mayo..." She then says "I do
    something different", followed by a bizarre dissolve-cut to her saying
    "seafood seasoning!". Hmmm... She then adds some "carushed" garlic, a
    tablespoon, in this case, a cap full, of lemon juice, and capers to "add
    a nice salty briny kick".

    As SLop stirs the mixture, she informs us how "SemiHomeade is all about
    figuring out whats in your pantry and fridge that you can add to make it
    interesting". Screw whether it makes sense or how it tastes, just make
    it INTERESTING!

    SLop uses salmon steaks from the store for her croquettes. As she
    removes them from the styrofoam tray, an awkward voice-over tells us to
    shred the filets with a fork so you can shape them easier. Oh, really?
    She puts the shredded fish into a large mixing bowl and adds seafood
    coating mix, noting that it contains bread crumbs and various herbs and
    spices and "lemon jews". As a binder, she adds an egg and claims that
    "hot sauce is something everyone puts in everything in the south!". For
    moisture, she adds her faux remulaud to the mix and then adds six dashes
    of hot sauce, losing count partway through. SLop then tells us that kids
    love interesting-flavors in recipes and this is a great way to make kids
    eat fish. Honey, that's not why kids refuse to eat your concoctions...

    Before we bop out to commercial break, SLop starts to make succatash,
    but since she she hates lima beans, she is substituting okra for the
    lima beans. IOW it's not succtash!

    When we return from commercial, SLop retrieves the corn and okra mixture
    from microwave and places it on the counter, accompanied by an awkward
    post-production voice-over "Here's the sauce that makes it creamy!",
    followed by SLop mixing milk and a packet of white sauce. For "extra
    flavour", SLop mulches some pimentos (a TYPE OF red pepper, she tells
    us). SLop next adds butter beans as a 2nd substityute for Lima beans.
    So, SLop told us she was going to make succotash, but since she hates
    Lima beans, she's going to substitute okra (gag!) for Lima beans and
    then later tells us she's substituting butter beans for Lima beans. That
    means it's NOT succotash, you moron! She announces that the sauce is
    thickening up, cutting to the pan of sauce on hard boil. She dumps
    everything into the pan and stirs it before she empties it into a
    serving bowl. You can see that the sauce and milk weren't thoroughly
    mixed. My gawd, it looks like the aftermath of a bukkake movie!

    SLop takes some Oreida curly fries and sprinkles some cayenne pepper on
    them before putting them into the oven.

    SLop announces she's making "Asian turkey burgers". What? She adds some
    thawed-out frozen chopped onions and peppers and some bacos to the meat.
    Remembering what she told us earlier about tobasco sauce, she goes ahead
    and adds some of that, too. She then attempts to stir the meat mixture
    with a teaspoon. Miserable failure.

    SLop does a "Me washie handsies! Me washie handsies!" for some reason,
    then forms the patties. SLop remarks "You can see all the flavor in
    those burgers!". Yeah, whatever.

    "Onto the grill they go!", SLop says, followed by an awkward
    post-production voiceover giving us cooking instructions. We then bop
    out to commercial...

    When we return from commercial break, SLop is assembling the "Asian
    burgers". She wants a great sauce (heh), so she mixes some hot sauce and
    ranch dressing.

    SLop removes the fries from oven with a "whoot!" and dumps them into a
    basket lined with a towel, reminding us "Presentation, presentation!".
    You don't take your OWN advice -- why should we?
    SLop next works on the Beignets, which she describes as like a donut,
    but not as dense. A lame pop-up graphic indicates that what she does
    next is to be blamed on a Fandra. For her version, she's going to use a
    tube of whack-a-dough. SLop claims that a Fandra submitted this idea,
    but then says it's what she was going to do anyway. Huh? While rolling
    dough balls she points into the air over her left shoulder for no
    apparent reason. As we bop out to commercial, SLop threatens us with
    cocktail time.

    When we return from commercial, SLop is fishing the Beignets out of the
    pan. Wait, what happened to "cocktail time"? SLop giddily announces
    "It's cocktail time! Best time of the day!", but sadly, there is no
    accompanying pop-up graphic. Phew! SLop adds "Everyone in NOLA loves
    their cocktails!" Thanks, SLop! This week, she makes a BANANA'S foster
    cocktail using one shot vanilla vodka, one shot banana liquor "whoot!",
    one shot butterscotch schnapps, 0.5 shot of shot liquor, and a splash
    (capful) of cream. For the choking/poking hazard, she uses half a
    banana. Imagine passing out and awakening with a banana protruding from
    one of the openings in your skull. Unable to restrain herself, she
    exclaims "Taste test!", and, clutching the cup with both her hands,
    starts gulping heavily.

    Narrowly avoiding the DT's this week, she announces "Onto the
    tablescape!". Apparently SLop now changes outfits when she introduces
    her tablerapes, but why bother if you're going to hide behind that hedge
    on top of the table? And because no one else has said it yet (and I am
    12), SLop's top matches her tablecloth.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
    We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while
    eating the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no,
    we're not sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any
    knowlege of Miss Lee.



  2. #2
    [email protected] Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    On Jun 28, 11:41*am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:

    >Entire post


    Great review as always.

    Someone should tell Skandra that it's not succotash if you don't use
    lima beans.

  3. #3
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    [email protected] wrote:

    >Great review as always.


    Thank you!

    >Someone should tell Skandra that it's not succotash if you don't use
    >lima beans.


    And add jizz sauce.

    --
    WARNING!!!
    Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
    standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!!
    We assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while
    eating the "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no,
    we're not sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any
    knowlege of Miss Lee.



  4. #4
    [email protected] Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    On Jun 30, 12:23*pm, Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
    >
    > >Someone should tell Skandra that it's not succotash if you don't use
    > >lima beans.

    >
    > And add jizz sauce.


    LMAO! Watching Aunt Sandy is like watching a snuff flick, disturbing
    and sick, but compelling.


  5. #5
    Billy Guest

  6. #6
    Mare Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    On Jun 28, 11:41 am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:
    >
    >
    >
    >
    > SLop uses salmon steaks from the store for her croquettes. As she
    > removes them from the styrofoam tray, an awkward voice-over tells us to
    > shred the filets with a fork so you can shape them easier. Oh, really?
    > She puts the shredded fish into a large mixing bowl and adds seafood
    > coating mix, noting that it contains bread crumbs and various herbs and
    > spices and "lemon jews".


    Okay, I went to catholic school. So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???
    And why does Snads keep picking on them?
    Does it have something to do with the Acidic sect?


    Mare - OY!

  7. #7
    Anim8rFSK Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    In article
    <[email protected]>,
    [email protected] wrote:

    > On Jun 30, 12:23*pm, Ubiquitous <web...@polaris.net> wrote:
    > >
    > > >Someone should tell Skandra that it's not succotash if you don't use
    > > >lima beans.

    > >
    > > And add jizz sauce.

    >
    > LMAO! Watching Aunt Sandy is like watching a snuff flick


    but without the happy ending.

    --
    Star Trek 09:

    No Shat, No Show.

  8. #8
    Billy Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    On Mon, 30 Jun 2008 13:53:36 -0700 (PDT), Mare <[email protected]>
    wrote:

    >Okay, I went to catholic school. So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???


    A fool trying to be clever. Lemon Juice.


  9. #9
    Michael Kuettner Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!


    "Mare" schrieb :
    > On Jun 28, 11:41 am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> SLop uses salmon steaks from the store for her croquettes. As she
    >> removes them from the styrofoam tray, an awkward voice-over tells us to
    >> shred the filets with a fork so you can shape them easier. Oh, really?
    >> She puts the shredded fish into a large mixing bowl and adds seafood
    >> coating mix, noting that it contains bread crumbs and various herbs and
    >> spices and "lemon jews".

    >
    > Okay, I went to catholic school. So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???
    > And why does Snads keep picking on them?
    > Does it have something to do with the Acidic sect?
    >
    >
    > Mare - OY!


    Nice trolling. You've hooked one ;-)

    Cheers,

    Michael Kuettner



  10. #10
    [email protected] Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    On Jun 30, 4:57*pm, Anim8rFSK <ANIM8R...@cox.net> wrote:

    > but without the happy ending.
    >

    HAHAHAHAHA!

  11. #11
    Mare Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    On Jun 30, 5:50*pm, "Michael Kuettner" <mik...@eunet.at> wrote:
    > "Mare" schrieb :
    >
    >
    >
    > > On Jun 28, 11:41 am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:

    >
    > >> SLop uses salmon steaks from the store for her croquettes. As she
    > >> removes them from the styrofoam tray, an awkward voice-over tells us to
    > >> shred the filets with a fork so you can shape them easier. Oh, really?
    > >> She puts the shredded fish into a large mixing bowl and adds seafood
    > >> coating mix, noting that it contains bread crumbs and various herbs and
    > >> spices and "lemon jews".

    >
    > > Okay, I went to catholic school. *So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???
    > > And why does Snads keep picking on them?
    > > Does it have something to do with the Acidic sect?

    >
    > > Mare - OY!

    >
    > Nice trolling. You've hooked one ;-)
    >
    >

    Nope, sorry, not a troll. Also sorry you took what I wrote that way.
    Sandra Lee's an idiot. Blame *her* for
    the stupid mispronunciations.

    M. - outta here

  12. #12
    Ubiquitous Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    [email protected] wrote:
    >On Jun 28, 11:41 am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:


    >> SLop uses salmon steaks from the store for her croquettes. As she
    >> removes them from the styrofoam tray, an awkward voice-over tells us to
    >> shred the filets with a fork so you can shape them easier. Oh, really?
    >> She puts the shredded fish into a large mixing bowl and adds seafood
    >> coating mix, noting that it contains bread crumbs and various herbs and
    >> spices and "lemon jews".

    >
    >Okay, I went to catholic school. So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???
    >And why does Snads keep picking on them?
    >Does it have something to do with the Acidic sect?


    Monitor, meet Diet Dr Pepper!




  13. #13
    jmcquown Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!

    Michael Kuettner wrote:
    > "Mare" schrieb :
    >> On Jun 28, 11:41 am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> various herbs and spices and "lemon jews".

    >>
    >> Okay, I went to catholic school. So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???
    >> And why does Snads keep picking on them?
    >> Does it have something to do with the Acidic sect?
    >>
    >>
    >> Mare - OY!

    >
    > Nice trolling. You've hooked one ;-)
    >
    > Cheers,
    >
    > Michael Kuettner
    >

    Any particular reason you decided to cross-post your troll announcement,
    Michael? Slightly troll-ish, that.

    Jill


  14. #14
    Michael Kuettner Guest

    Default Re: Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee: Louisiana Lazy!


    "jmcquown" schrieb :
    > Michael Kuettner wrote:
    >> "Mare" schrieb :
    >>> On Jun 28, 11:41 am, web...@polaris.net (Ubiquitous) wrote:
    >>>>
    >>>>
    >>>> various herbs and spices and "lemon jews".
    >>>
    >>> Okay, I went to catholic school. So what, exactly, ARE lemon jews???
    >>> And why does Snads keep picking on them?
    >>> Does it have something to do with the Acidic sect?
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Mare - OY!

    >>
    >> Nice trolling. You've hooked one ;-)
    >>

    > Any particular reason you decided to cross-post your troll announcement,
    > Michael? Slightly troll-ish, that.
    >

    Bugger ! Didn't look at the headers, sorry !

    Cheers,

    Michael Kuettner





  15. #15
    Ubiquitous Guest

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