After unsuccessfully finding Centrelink office on google that deals
solely
with *professionals*, Peter Loonyas abandons the search and walks into
the
*local* Centrelink office on Russell Island.
He marches straight up to the counter and hollers, "'My name is Peter
Loonyas and cause I suffer from PTSD after a bloody lawn mower run
over me
foot I want an easy job---Mind you as I'm not used to being kept by
my
female significant others, nothing too demanding--got it?"

The Centrelink officer behind the desk shakes his head, sizes him up
and
then peers at the computer monitor. After a few taps on the keyboard
he
says, "According to your file you were a cook and bottle washer in
the
SASR". Well your timing is excellent sir. We just got a job opening
from a
very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur / cook / housekeeper /
bodyguard
for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his
Porche,
but he'll supply all of your clothes. And you'll be expected to escort
her
on her overseas holiday trips. You'll have a two-bedroom apartment
above the
garage stocked with the best wines. The starting salary is $120,000 a
year."

Peter Loonyas says, "You're bull****ting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah well, you started it."