"Kathleen" <[email protected]> wrote in message
> To the writers, directors and producers of B horror flicks:
> Dear Guys,
> I do understand that enjoying your movies requires a certain willingness
> to accept absurd premises. For example, the apparent inability to dial
> 911. But there is a certain vignette that has cropped up with
> increasing frequency in recent years that makes it difficult to suspend
> disbelief and relax into the experience. I am speaking, specifically,
> of the "girl on girl" make-out scene.
> First off, a review of Female Sex Drive 101... Surely some of you are
> or have been in a relationship with a female? Any recollection of the
> effect of stress on the feminine libido? Have you ever come on to a
> woman facing a final exam, a performance review, or who is caring for a
> sick child? How'd that work out for you? Never mind being chased by
> monsters... But we'll set that aside, like the whole "call 911" thing.
> Even assuming that a woman under duress would be comforted by sexual
> advances, most of us are straight. Not bisexual or even "bi-curious",
> just plain vanilla straight. We like dudes. We would be as likely to
> make out with the family pet as with another woman (go ahead, ask my
> border collie, Scully, what happens when she tries to french kiss me).
> I guarantee the reaction would fall somewhere along the continuum
> ranging from "Excuse me, I think you've mistaken me for someone else",
> to "WTF!? Are you nuts?", to <brisk attempt to push the importunate
> female's nose out through the back of her skull>.
> Yes, I know, the notion makes your winkies waggle. And maybe watching a
> cute guy succumb, hesitantly, awkwardly, but with increasing enthusiasm,
> to the advances of a male hottie while under ridiculously dangerous
> circumstances might be titillating. But I couldn't say for sure 'CAUSE
> I'VE NEVER SEEN IT!
> Turn about is fair play, gentlemen.
> On behalf of your straight female fan base,
Go cook something.