Thread: Kitchen dilplomacy

SteveB wrote:

> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much
> past the basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the
> food prep area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and
> wanting to either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the
> heat on something. Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of
> the sink and putting it away. Tasting something and adding more
> water, flour, garlic, or whatever. Putting a can of canned peas
> heating when I was going to sauté some squash slices for a vegetable.

Highly irritating. I don't really mind if someone wants to help
out, but damn, ask first! I'm not too territorial to say Yeah,
make the pasta or, make sure that isn't boiling too hard.

Tasting and adjusting the seasonings without my consent
would really piss me off.

> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I
> hear is the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air
> space.
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?

They seem to have taken up sides against you. A gang
of two interfering, spoiled food pushers. heh.

nancy

SteveB wrote:
>
> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
> area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
> either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
> Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
> away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
> Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
> slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>
> Steve

I have been known to kick people out of my kitchen on occasion...
perhaps this is why I don't have a wife or girlfriend? It certainly
isn't because of my cooking since that always gets good reviews.

"SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food
> prep area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting
> to either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on
> something. Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and
> putting it away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic,
> or whatever. Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to
> sauté some squash slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear
> is the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>
> Steve

Maybe you can somehow modify what I do.

When people come and ask if they can help I always answer yes. Then they
are looking for direction when I say with a smile "you can help me by
staying out of the kitchen because I move very quickly and I know where
everything is or where I want to move" Then I gratefully thank them for
their offer.

On the other hand you can just hand them the knife, spatula or other tool
you are using and nicely go into the other room.

But remember - "turn-about is fair play" and you need to follow your own
rules

:-)

Dimitri

My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.

I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.

My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
slices for a vegetable.

I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.

I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
style, and they don't seem to get it.

Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?

How do you handle these situations?

Steve

On Sun, 14 Dec 2008 13:36:50 -0800, "SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas>
wrote:

>
>I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
>the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
>I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
>style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
>Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
>How do you handle these situations?

My husband learned very early in our relationship never to argue with
me in the kitchen, especially if I have a knife in my hands. Ban them
from the kitchen and be done with it. Tell them to go watch TV and
you'll call them when food is on the table.


--
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that
interest me are the number of carats in a diamond.

Mae West

SteveB wrote:

> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
> area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
> either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
> Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
> away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
> Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
> slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?

Play the prima donna role to the hilt. "Get out, get out! I can't hear
myself think when you guys are in here, let alone remember what comes
next! Out! Outoutout! Go put your feet up and drink a glass of wine!"

My husband's sisters are the worst about this when I'm trying to cook a
holiday meal but I deal with flyball teammates much more frequently.
Packing and equipment space are limited and they have been told
repeatedly, "You can help carry stuff out but DON'T TRY TO LOAD IT.
Everything has to go in a certain space, in a certain order, for
everything to fit. Running out here with the stuff and trying to cram
everything in at random only makes thing worse because then I have to
take it out and re-load it".

And then they do it anyways. I've learned to hide the salt shaker when
my SILs are invited to holiday dinners.

I've been considering the purchase of a taser for flyball and kitchen
use, given that the "negative reinforcement" spray bottle that I use on
the JRT to keep him off the kitchen table has little effect on
bone-headed humans.

In article <[email protected]>,
sf <[email protected]> wrote:

> On Sun, 14 Dec 2008 13:36:50 -0800, "SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas>
> wrote:
>
> >
> >I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> >the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
> >
> >I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> >style, and they don't seem to get it.
> >
> >Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
> >
> >How do you handle these situations?
>
> My husband learned very early in our relationship never to argue with
> me in the kitchen, especially if I have a knife in my hands. Ban them
> from the kitchen and be done with it. Tell them to go watch TV and
> you'll call them when food is on the table.

<snicker> I like that...
--
Peace! Om

"Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive." -- Dalai Lama

"Pete C." <[email protected]> wrote
>
> I have been known to kick people out of my kitchen on occasion...
> perhaps this is why I don't have a wife or girlfriend?

Yeah, really, that must be it.

On Sun, 14 Dec 2008 13:36:50 -0800, "SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas>
wrote:

>Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
>How do you handle these situations?

You as a man, are infringing on their "wifely duties" of cooking. They
resent you for being a better cook. You have a problem that might
require professional help.

SteveB wrote:
> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
> area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
> either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
> Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
> away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
> Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
> slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>
> Steve
>
>
I realized a long time ago (or it just feels like it), that it is the
company that makes the meal. I completely have issues with others in my
kitchen, but I will even invite others in to make the experience even
more warm. I have issues with a number of people in my kitchen, but I
try to make up for it by working harder on the cleaning, or just making
sure they have no flavoring decisions. But overall? I want them there if
I care about them. And having them close, makes me happy.

SteveB wrote:
> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
> area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
> either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
> Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
> away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
> Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
> slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>

My wife and I have an arrangement whereby one of us cooks or the other
does. If I am cooking she is banned from the kitchen. One time I was
cooking a roast and I was looking after dinner. I went in to turn the
burner on under the potatoes and discovered that she had the beans
boiling away. They didn't need to go on for another half hour. So she
is no longer allowed into the kitchen when I am cooking..... unless I
call her in and ask for help.

SteveB wrote:
> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
> area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
> either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
> Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
> away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
> Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
> slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>
> Steve
>
>
I yell: "Get out of my kitchen"

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

In article <[email protected]>,
"SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas> wrote:

> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
> area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
> either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
> Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
> away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
> Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
> slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
> the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?

I have the same problem, and do a variety of things, most without much
success.

I'll be cooking, and my wife comes in and starts cleaning. I ask her
what she's doing (although it's perfectly obvious), and if that doesn't
work, I ask why (it's always to keep me company, because cleaning in the
kitchen by herself isn't much fun). But we're always colliding, and
she's always putting stuff away that I just got out.

When I cook, I like to get everything out first, or at least check to
make sure we have it and that I know where it is. My wife just starts
cooking. That just drives me nuts, so I don't hang around the kitchen
while she's cooking. Fortunately, we have a large grocery store 1/4
mile away, because she often finds that we are out of something she
needs. I've seen her make *two* trips to the store several times, in
the process of making one item.

My daughter was making pumpkin bread one day. It was more like a cake,
very spicy and but not too sweet. I watched her spend about 10 minutes
grating nutmeg. It wasn't a very good grater, so it was slow going. It
sure smelled good, though. When it came time to add the spices, she
asked my wife where the nutmeg was. My wife replied that it was in the
spice rack. No, the nutmeg that she had just ground, and put on the
table in a little blue bowl. My wife nonchalantly explained that she
had thrown it away, in the process of cleaning. Fortunately, my
daughter is a very calm person, and just proceeded to grate some more
nutmeg. I think my wife decided to postpone her cleaning.

--
Dan Abel
Petaluma, California USA
[email protected]

Best of luck trying to ban people like that :-) Hey, I'll be the first
to cheer if you come back and post that banning them was successful. I
just don't think it will work though, given your description of them
though.

My plan when I have people who must help come to dinner is to make sure
things are done before they get there. Perhaps roasted veggies that
need only be removed from the oven and tipped into the serving bowl, the
salad done and in the fridge needing only the dressing, a roasted sort
of meat or baked pasta or the like that is simply pulled out of the oven
and served. You get the idea.

They arrive, you play host and visit. When it's time to eat seat them
at the table and go and dish up. If you're not in the kitchen, I'm
pretty sure they won't be either.

marcella


> In article <[email protected]>,
> "SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas> wrote:
>

> > Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
> >
> > How do you handle these situations?
>

Dan Abel wrote:
> In article <[email protected]>,
> "SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas> wrote:
>
>
>>My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
>>basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>>
>>I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food prep
>>area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>>
>>My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting to
>>either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on something.
>>Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and putting it
>>away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic, or whatever.
>>Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to sauté some squash
>>slices for a vegetable.
>>
>>I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear is
>>the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>>
>>I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
>>style, and they don't seem to get it.
>>
>>Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>>
>>How do you handle these situations?
>
>
> I have the same problem, and do a variety of things, most without much
> success.
>
> I'll be cooking, and my wife comes in and starts cleaning. I ask her
> what she's doing (although it's perfectly obvious), and if that doesn't
> work, I ask why (it's always to keep me company, because cleaning in the
> kitchen by herself isn't much fun). But we're always colliding, and
> she's always putting stuff away that I just got out.
>
> When I cook, I like to get everything out first, or at least check to
> make sure we have it and that I know where it is. My wife just starts
> cooking. That just drives me nuts, so I don't hang around the kitchen
> while she's cooking. Fortunately, we have a large grocery store 1/4
> mile away, because she often finds that we are out of something she
> needs. I've seen her make *two* trips to the store several times, in
> the process of making one item.
>
> My daughter was making pumpkin bread one day. It was more like a cake,
> very spicy and but not too sweet. I watched her spend about 10 minutes
> grating nutmeg. It wasn't a very good grater, so it was slow going. It
> sure smelled good, though. When it came time to add the spices, she
> asked my wife where the nutmeg was. My wife replied that it was in the
> spice rack. No, the nutmeg that she had just ground, and put on the
> table in a little blue bowl. My wife nonchalantly explained that she
> had thrown it away, in the process of cleaning. Fortunately, my
> daughter is a very calm person, and just proceeded to grate some more
> nutmeg. I think my wife decided to postpone her cleaning.
>

My dad was ill and I was visiting with my mom down in Phoenix. I got up
to make us some breakfast. Got the eggs out, the butter, the sour
cream, the bacon, the mushrooms and tomatoes, the loaf of bread and the
olive oil. Set the coffee maker up and turned it on. Got out two mugs
and poured in some half and half and a couple squirts of chocolate syrup.

Went to the bathroom, returned three minutes later and found that my
mother had dumped out the contents of the mugs and washed them and put
away all of the ingredients I'd just gotten out.

"WTF?! Mom, why would you do that?"

"Oh, I thought you just left that stuff out. I didn't realize you were
one of those people you just can't talk to first thing in the morning."

Only my amazing powers of Ignoritude, honed by years of coping with
spirited children, allowed her to survive to aggravate another day,
rather than becoming a victim of "shaken elder" syndrome.

Instead, I just got everything back out and fixed us a breakfast that
she's still bragging about.

"SteveB" wrote

> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.

Oh dear.

> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food
> prep area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.

Not insane, but if they do not know this, a bit of a problem. A different
problem if you have told them and they continue.

> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting
> to either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on
> something. Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and
> putting it away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic,
> or whatever. Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to
> sauté some squash slices for a vegetable.

Hate to say it but that's just rude if they know you dont want help or
adjustment. Wife probably cant be fixed if you've already told her, and
probably learned it from her mom so...

> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear
> is the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.

Ouch. Lets face it. You are stuck.

> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?

Might have to!

> How do you handle these situations?

I'm lucky. Don's helpful in the kitchen and we inately understand when to
help and when to back off when the other is feeling 'creative'. I do buzz
around him at times, but only when he wants me to watch or help with an idea
('Honey, something is missing, what do you think it is?').

I will often cleanup after him, but it's literally dirty stuff in the sink
just to get it out of his way or let him re-use it in the next step.

Don BTW is what I call 'perfectly imperfect'. See, he has as many failings
as I do so I dont have to feel bad about me. He's just like me on cooking
in that he doesnt want to do it every night, but loves to do it often enough
it works out. 23 years married now and hoping for 23 more at least ;-)

> Steve
>

"SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past the
> basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food
> prep area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting
> to either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on
> something. Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink and
> putting it away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour, garlic,
> or whatever. Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was going to
> sauté some squash slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear
> is the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>
> Steve
>
Electric cattle prod? Zap MIL once, and leer at wifey-poo with the 'your
next'......grin and they will get the hint.
-ginny

On Sun 14 Dec 2008 02:36:50p, SteveB told us...

> My wife and MIL think they can cook. Yes, they can, but not much past
> the basics. My MIL makes the best potato salad I have ever had.
>
> I have a problem when I cook. I like to be the only person in the food
> prep area, unless I designate a task of chopping, etc.
>
> My wife and MIL have this OCB of coming in when I am cooking and wanting
> to either clean or adjust what I am doing. Adjusting the heat on
> something. Picking up a strainer I have ready on the side of the sink
> and putting it away. Tasting something and adding more water, flour,
> garlic, or whatever. Putting a can of canned peas heating when I was
> going to sauté some squash slices for a vegetable.
>
> I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I
> hear is the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air
> space.
>
> I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
> style, and they don't seem to get it.
>
> Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>
> How do you handle these situations?
>
> Steve

I cook 99% of the time, and David knows to stay out of my way and out of
the kitchen when I'm in there. If guests cluster in the working area of
the kitchen, I have no qualms about saying, if they expect to have dinner,
they'll stay in the den or living room. I don't even like conversation
when I'm cooking.



--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
************************************************** **********************
Date: Sunday, 12(XII)/14(XIV)/08(MMVIII)
************************************************** **********************
Today is: Third Sunday of Advent
Countdown till Christmas Day
1wks 3dys 4hrs 47mins
************************************************** **********************
Self, self, self, self, self!' -- The Cat
************************************************** **********************

"sf" <[email protected]> wrote in message
news:[email protected]..
> On Sun, 14 Dec 2008 13:36:50 -0800, "SteveB" <toquerville@zionvistas>
> wrote:
>
>>
>>I've spoken directly, and occasionally harshly about this, but all I hear
>>is
>>the whoosh sound of a projectile passing above an empty air space.
>>
>>I don't want to turn this into a war, but it has completely changed my
>>style, and they don't seem to get it.
>>
>>Maybe just ban them from the kitchen until dinner is ready?
>>
>>How do you handle these situations?
>
> My husband learned very early in our relationship never to argue with
> me in the kitchen, especially if I have a knife in my hands.

So you stabbed him, or threatened to?