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Thread: Excuses, excuses.......

  1. #1
    Bigbazza Guest

    Default Excuses, excuses.......

    LOL...OT...Just like Dora..I couldn't resist posting this one.....Everyone
    has to have a laugh whilst cooking in the kitchen!... :-)

    Bigbazza (Barry) Oz


    TO MY DEAR WIFE:
    During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

    I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
    days.
    The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

    54 times the sheets were clean
    17 times it was too late
    49 times you were too tired
    20 times it was too hot
    15 times you pretended to be asleep
    22 times you had a headache
    17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
    16 times you said you were too sore
    12 times it was the wrong time of the month
    19 times you had to get up early
    9 times you said weren't in the mood
    7 times you were sunburned
    6 times you were watching the late show
    5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
    3 times you said the neighbours would hear us
    9 times you said your mother would hear us

    Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
    because:
    6 times you just laid there
    8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
    4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
    7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
    1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
    KEEP READING.......

    TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

    I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you
    didn't get more than you did:

    5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
    36 times you did not come home at all
    21 times you didn't come
    33 times you came too soon
    19 times you went soft before you got in
    38 times you worked too late
    10 times you got cramps in your toes
    29 times you had to get up early to play golf
    2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
    4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
    3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
    2 times you had a splinter in your finger
    20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
    6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book
    98 times you were too busy watching TV

    Of the times we did get together:

    The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the
    sheets.
    I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was,
    'Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?'
    The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to
    breathe.


  2. #2
    Bob Terwilliger Guest

    Default Re: Excuses, excuses.......

    Bigbazza wrote:

    > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper


    OUCH! Seems like just ONCE would have been enough to ensure that it NEVER
    EVER EVER happens again!

    Bob


  3. #3
    Bigbazza Guest

    Default Excuses, excuses.......I Forgot The OT:... Don't wish to be 'Blasted' :-)


    "Bigbazza" <bigbazza@no_spam.com> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]..
    > LOL...OT...Just like Dora..I couldn't resist posting this one.....Everyone
    > has to have a laugh whilst cooking in the kitchen!... :-)
    >
    > Bigbazza (Barry) Oz
    >
    >
    > TO MY DEAR WIFE:
    > During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
    >



    Bigbazza (Barry) Oz


  4. #4
    Becca Guest

    Default Re: Excuses, excuses.......

    Bob Terwilliger wrote:
    > Bigbazza wrote:
    >
    >> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

    >
    > OUCH! Seems like just ONCE would have been enough to ensure that it
    > NEVER EVER EVER happens again!
    >
    > Bob


    A little boy in the neighborhood came over to play, and he came out of
    the bathroom crying, "my kidney is stuck in my zipper!" He was in
    kindergarten and I guess he was getting his body parts confused.

    Becca

  5. #5
    Bigbazza Guest

    Default Re: Excuses, excuses.......


    "Becca" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected]..
    > Bob Terwilliger wrote:
    >> Bigbazza wrote:
    >>
    >>> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

    >>
    >> OUCH! Seems like just ONCE would have been enough to ensure that it NEVER
    >> EVER EVER happens again!
    >>
    >> Bob

    >
    > A little boy in the neighborhood came over to play, and he came out of the
    > bathroom crying, "my kidney is stuck in my zipper!" He was in
    > kindergarten and I guess he was getting his body parts confused.
    >
    > Becca



    LOL....Poor kid..

    Bigbazza (Barry) Oz


  6. #6
    George Shirley Guest

    Default Re: Excuses, excuses.......

    Becca wrote:
    > Bob Terwilliger wrote:
    >> Bigbazza wrote:
    >>
    >>> 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

    >>
    >> OUCH! Seems like just ONCE would have been enough to ensure that it
    >> NEVER EVER EVER happens again!
    >>
    >> Bob

    >
    > A little boy in the neighborhood came over to play, and he came out of
    > the bathroom crying, "my kidney is stuck in my zipper!" He was in
    > kindergarten and I guess he was getting his body parts confused.
    >
    > Becca

    School teacher who taught when I was in grade school and then on to
    teach my kids, retired some years ago. Wife and I attended her
    retirement. She taught first grade for 40 years and had a store of
    stories about the kiddos.

    Seems a little fellow got caught in his zipper and another child called
    for the teacher. She went into the boys bathroom, checked him out and
    then turned and told the other kid to go to the room, open the center
    drawer in her desk and bring her the scissors that were there.
    Immediately the kid who was caught in his zipper cried out, "No, no,
    please don't do that" while cupping his hand over his privates.

    She retired over 30 years ago and we still recall that story. Kids do
    some funny stuff and, then, so do we adults.

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