cooking etiquette situation

A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.

I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

In article
<cf7e4a36-11ef-44bf-80d5-803fcd3aee6b@o36g2000vbl.googlegroups.com>,
Kalmia <tweeny90655@mypacks.net> wrote:

> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

That's hard to say. I taught my cousin to make cheesecake, which her
husband loved (they are from Saudi Arabia, cheesecake isn't common to
them), but she never made it. She doesn't have a lot of time, she's
working on her PhD in Psychology and raising her four sons. He knows
how to cook, but he wasn't part of the lesson, and he doesn't do recipes
well. It would mean her translating the recipe as well, because his
English skills aren't that good, and my writing in Arabic is worse than
abysmal.

However, he teases her about it, begs me to make more, says she's
cruel to him for not making it, etc. He does this in front of her and
it is all light hearted and a joke. We laugh about it. I tell him to
hi over to our place if he wants more. I'd make it for him again in a
heartbeat.

You know your friend, is it likely she just hasn't gotten to it, or
does it seem like she resents his liking your food?

Regards,
Ranee @ Arabian Knits

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/

On Oct 19, 11:01*am, Kalmia <tweeny90...@mypacks.net> wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.

I wouldn't bother. Sounds like if you do then he'll have one more
reason to belittle her.

Kalmia said...

> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.


Kalmia,

One one hand, I wouldn't bother as she could take offense. On the other hand
you could make a batch at your home and bring him two in a zip lock baggie,
saying "I made a batch and I remember you liked them so I saved two for
you," or something diplomatic like that?

Best,

Andy

Andy wrote:
> Kalmia said...
>
>> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>
>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
>
> Kalmia,
>
> One one hand, I wouldn't bother as she could take offense. On the other hand
> you could make a batch at your home and bring him two in a zip lock baggie,
> saying "I made a batch and I remember you liked them so I saved two for
> you," or something diplomatic like that?
>
> Best,
>
> Andy

I liked Andy's answer.

I'd make them and take some. You never know why she doesn't make them.
Maybe she is like me and a terrible baker.

But taking them some can't hurt. She can always pitch them after you
leave if she has issues :-)

Bob

On Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:01:30 -0700 (PDT), Kalmia wrote:

> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Under 250 lbs, take him 6

Over 250 lbs, take him 2 and tell them that's all you had leftover
from a previous batch.

-sw

On Oct 19, 11:49*am, Andy <a...@b.c> wrote:
> Kalmia said...
>
> > A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> > visiting. *He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. *He has
> > mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. *I don't know
> > why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> > I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> > or take em, or just not bother? *I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> Kalmia,
>
> One one hand, I wouldn't bother as she could take offense. On the other hand
> you could make a batch at your home and bring him two in a zip lock baggie,
> saying "I made a batch and I remember you liked them so I saved two for
> you," or something diplomatic like that?
>
> Best,
>
> Andy

Yeah...and then maybe they could hook up later out in the barn.

Kalmia wrote:
> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.

"Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"

Serene

--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com

"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory

On Mon 19 Oct 2009 06:32:01p, Serene Vannoy told us...

> Kalmia wrote:
>> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>
>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.
>
> "Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
> going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"
>
> Serene
>

I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
she should ask.

--

~~ If there's a nit to pick, some nitwit will pick it. ~~

~~ A mind is a terrible thing to lose. ~~

************************************************** ********

Wayne Boatwright

"Kalmia" <tweeny90655@mypacks.net> wrote in message
news:cf7e4a36-11ef-44bf-80d5-803fcd3aee6b@o36g2000vbl.googlegroups.com...
>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

It really depends on how close you are to her.

Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.

Think if the situation were reversed.


--
Dimitri

Penne Rigate Autunnale

http://kitchenguide.wordpress.com.

Wayne Boatwright wrote:
> On Mon 19 Oct 2009 06:32:01p, Serene Vannoy told us...
>
>> Kalmia wrote:
>>> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>>
>>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>> Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.
>>
>> "Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
>> going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"
>>
>> Serene
>>
>
> I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
> as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
> she should ask.
>

If she knows it might be a problem, she should ask or just take
something else, in my opinion.

Serene

--
42 Magazine, celebrating life with meaning. Issue 2 is here!
http://42magazine.com

"I tend to come down on the side of autonomy. Once people are grown up,
I believe they have the right to go to hell in the handbasket of their
choosing." -- Pat Kight, on alt.polyamory

On Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:01:30 -0700 (PDT), Kalmia
<tweeny90655@mypacks.net> wrote:

>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
>I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

Take some along for him. Why should he be deprived just because she
doesn't want to bake them? You already KNOW he likes them so make him
some for a gift.
--

My website - http://www.kajikitscorner.com
My cooking blog - http://kajikit.wordpress.com
My crafty blog - http://kajikit.blogspot.com

On Mon 19 Oct 2009 11:21:42p, Serene Vannoy told us...

> If she knows it might be a problem, she should ask or just take
> something else, in my opinion.

Of course it never hurts to ask. It does depend on how well she knows them
and what reaction she might expect.

OTOH, I personally would not ask, but just bake and take some.

I have a friend who is a wonderful cook, but is not a good baker. I never
fail to take something I've baked when we visit. It's always welcome,
whether we consume it while we're there or not.

--

~~ If there's a nit to pick, some nitwit will pick it. ~~

~~ A mind is a terrible thing to lose. ~~

************************************************** ********

Wayne Boatwright

"Dimitri" <Dimitri_C@prodigy.net> wrote in message
news:cUaDm.285155$cf6.180461@newsfe16.iad...
>
> "Kalmia" <tweeny90655@mypacks.net> wrote in message
> news:cf7e4a36-11ef-44bf-80d5-803fcd3aee6b@o36g2000vbl.googlegroups.com...
>>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
>> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
>> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
>> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>>
>> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
>> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

> It really depends on how close you are to her.
>
> Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.

Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!

Felice

On Mon, 19 Oct 2009 11:01:30 -0700 (PDT), Kalmia wrote:

> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
>
> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.

maybe you should ask her. the reason may be as innocuous as she doesn't
like to bake, or bake using an unfamiliar recipe.

your pal,
blake

"Felice" <friese@comcast.net> wrote in message
news:hbkesq$6ef$1@news.eternal-september.org...
>
> "Dimitri" <Dimitri_C@prodigy.net> wrote in message
> news:cUaDm.285155$cf6.180461@newsfe16.iad...
> >
> > "Kalmia" <tweeny90655@mypacks.net> wrote in message
> >
news:cf7e4a36-11ef-44bf-80d5-803fcd3aee6b@o36g2000vbl.googlegroups.com...
> >>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> >> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> >> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> >> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
> >>
> >> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> >> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> > It really depends on how close you are to her.
> >
> > Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.
>
> Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!

not according to Dr. Phil!

"Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright@arizona.usa.com> wrote in message
news:Xns9CA9C9F0B218Bwayneboatwrightatari@69.16.18 5.250...
> On Mon 19 Oct 2009 06:32:01p, Serene Vannoy told us...
>
> > Kalmia wrote:
> >> A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> >> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> >> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> >> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
> >>
> >> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> >> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
> >
> > Ask. Ask him, or ask her, but ask, is my advice.
> >
> > "Oh, I remember Malcolm loved my potato-rosemary-pumpkin muffins. I'm
> > going to be baking some soon; shall I bring some along with me?"
> >
> > Serene
> >
>
> I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
> as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
> she should ask.


If you bring them, you will never even have a chance at baking them there.
So, don't bring them, but be prepared to bake them there. Maybe you (and HE
will get lucky - baking wise).

Wayne Boatwright wrote:

> On Mon 19 Oct 2009 11:21:42p, Serene Vannoy told us...
>
>
>>If she knows it might be a problem, she should ask or just take
>>something else, in my opinion.
>
>
> Of course it never hurts to ask. It does depend on how well she knows them
> and what reaction she might expect.
>
> OTOH, I personally would not ask, but just bake and take some.

That's what I'd do. Make them up and bring them along as a gift to my
hostess. And if she chose to quietly stick them in the freezer, or take
them to work the next morning I'd make no comment.

In article <hbkesq$6ef$1@news.eternal-september.org>,
"Felice" <friese@comcast.net> wrote:

> "Dimitri" <Dimitri_C@prodigy.net> wrote in message
> news:cUaDm.285155$cf6.180461@newsfe16.iad...
> >
> > "Kalmia" <tweeny90655@mypacks.net> wrote in message
> > news:cf7e4a36-11ef-44bf-80d5-803fcd3aee6b@o36g2000vbl.googlegroups.com...
> >>A friend's husband liked some muffins I made once when they were
> >> visiting. He expressed interest and I gave her the recipe. He has
> >> mentioned them many times and she refuses to bake 'em. I don't know
> >> why - could be his weight problem or she just hates to bake.
> >>
> >> I am going to their house for a short visit - should I make em there,
> >> or take em, or just not bother? I'm afraid she'll take offense.
>
> > It really depends on how close you are to her.
> >
> > Follow her lead IT'S HER HOME.
>
> Sheesh, Dimitri, IT'S HIS HOME, TOO!

That is true, but it may not be an issue about the muffins. It may
be about how he criticizes her cooking or it may be that she hasn't
gotten around to making them, or it may be something else.

Regards,
Ranee @ Arabian Knits

"She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands." Prov 31:13

http://arabianknits.blogspot.com/

123go wrote:
> "Wayne Boatwright" <wayneboatwright@arizona.usa.com> wrote in message

>>>
>> I don't think the OP needs to ask if she bakes them at home and takes them
>> as a gift to the host/hostess. Baking in their kitchen, though, I agree
>> she should ask.
>
>
> If you bring them, you will never even have a chance at baking them there.
> So, don't bring them, but be prepared to bake them there. Maybe you (and HE
> will get lucky - baking wise).
>
>


If the wife refuses to let you bake them in her house, he'll lose
out. If it is a weight issue and she knows he has no will power,
I'd take 4 muffins and be done with it. If the wife is being
controlling about the issue because she is jealous of you, you
haven't stepped too far over the edge.

Perhaps you need to post the recipe in question so we can better
decide on the issue.... ;-)

gloria p