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Thread: For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

  1. #1
    Bigbazza Guest

    Default For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

    Seeing as it is 'Australia Day' here on 26th January, I thought I might just
    let you know a little about ourselves!........So, here is where we start
    from.......


    THE AUSSIE VERSION OF CREATION

    In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy
    matches, going to the beach.....

    And BBQ's......

    He created night for going prawning,
    sleeping and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

    On the Second Day, God created water....for surfing, swimming, and BBQ's on
    the beach,
    and God saw that it was good.

    On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide
    malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good..

    On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans ,chops, sausages,
    steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.

    On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach,
    drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was
    good.

    On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go
    to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.

    So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God
    saw that it was good.

    On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard
    the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He
    smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it
    was good .. ...

    Well.... Almost good.....

    He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
    So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to
    cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just
    good.....

    It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome!

    IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!

    Bigbazza (Barry) Oz




  2. #2
    PeterL1 Guest

    Default Australia Day, our Country :-)

    "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote in
    news:[email protected]:

    > Seeing as it is 'Australia Day' here on 26th January, I thought I might
    > just let you know a little about ourselves!........So, here is where we
    > start from.......
    >



    Onya Baz!!! you beat me to the punch on an Australia Day post, but here's
    mine anyway's............



    God bless Australia


    WE ARE ONE

    We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheila's and the occasional
    wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
    New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
    reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We
    are One Nation but divided into many States.

    First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
    lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand
    final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief
    marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think.
    The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

    Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin
    books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has
    more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its
    mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to
    keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.


    Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
    that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
    chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
    faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
    Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

    South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
    foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
    else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
    Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
    Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
    drivers to sleep at the wheel.

    Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim
    to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the
    men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last
    state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the
    government and business.

    The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep
    stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty
    kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere
    on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of
    anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national
    culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way
    to Bali.


    And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document
    defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God
    probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next.


    Oh yes.... and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

    We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists
    and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
    lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy
    when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better
    than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political
    party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still
    not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave
    that to our Pommy immigrants.

    We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
    mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so
    what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love
    sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race
    and still tell us who's winning.

    And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
    cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and
    horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the
    worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a
    pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in
    Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras
    but chain the pens to the desk.

    Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
    pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
    sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.

    I am, you are, we are Australian!

    P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
    Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!

    *****HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY*****


    (As an aside, we are also a people who are quite at ease taking the piss
    out of ourselves, something quite a few other "civilised" countries around
    the world might take a lesson from.)

    January 26th is International Australia Day, so c'mon all you Yanks and
    Europeans, throw some prawns/shrimp on the barbie, before you put that
    bloody lamb chop on there, crack a coldie and raise your glass to your
    'downunder' cousins!! :-)


    --
    Peter Lucas
    Brisbane
    Australia

    Killfile all Google Groups posters.........

    http://improve-usenet.org/

    http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html

  3. #3
    Leonard Blaisdell Guest

    Default Re: For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

    In article <[email protected]>,
    "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote:

    > He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
    > So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to
    > cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just
    > good.....


    He made the Blokes unintelligible, yet the Sheilas sound like angels.
    Why is that? I already know the "blokes are drunk" punchline.
    Happy, but I think slightly premature, Australia Day to everyone in OZ!

    leo

  4. #4
    PeterL1 Guest

    Default Re: For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

    Leonard Blaisdell <[email protected]> wrote in news:leoblaisdell-
    [email protected]:

    > In article <[email protected]>,
    > "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >
    >> He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
    >> So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to
    >> cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just
    >> good.....

    >


    > Happy, but I think slightly premature, Australia Day to everyone in OZ!
    >




    Thank you......... only 2 wakies to go :-)



    --
    Peter Lucas
    Brisbane
    Australia

    Killfile all Google Groups posters.........

    http://improve-usenet.org/

    http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html

  5. #5
    Bigbazza Guest

    Default Re: Australia Day, our Country :-)


    "PeterL1" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    news:[email protected] ...
    > "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote in
    > news:[email protected]:
    >
    >> Seeing as it is 'Australia Day' here on 26th January, I thought I might
    >> just let you know a little about ourselves!........So, here is where we
    >> start from.......
    >>

    >
    >
    > Onya Baz!!! you beat me to the punch on an Australia Day post, but here's
    > mine anyway's............
    >
    >
    >
    > God bless Australia
    >
    >
    > WE ARE ONE
    >
    > We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheila's and the occasional
    > wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
    > New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
    > reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We
    > are One Nation but divided into many States.
    >
    > First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
    > lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand
    > final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief
    > marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think.
    > The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
    >
    > Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin
    > books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has
    > more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its
    > mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to
    > keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
    >
    >
    > Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
    > that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
    > chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
    > faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
    > Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
    >
    > South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
    > foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
    > else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
    > Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
    > Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
    > drivers to sleep at the wheel.
    >
    > Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim
    > to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the
    > men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last
    > state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the
    > government and business.
    >
    > The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep
    > stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty
    > kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere
    > on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of
    > anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national
    > culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to flyover it on our way
    > to Bali.
    >
    >
    > And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document
    > defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God
    > probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next.
    >
    >
    > Oh yes.... and there's Canberra. The less said the better.
    >
    > We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists
    > and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
    > lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy
    > when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better
    > than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political
    > party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still
    > not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave
    > that to our Pommy immigrants.
    >
    > We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
    > mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so
    > what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love
    > sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race
    > and still tell us who's winning.
    >
    > And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
    > cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and
    > horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the
    > worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a
    > pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in
    > Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras
    > but chain the pens to the desk.
    >
    > Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
    > pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
    > sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
    >
    > I am, you are, we are Australian!
    >
    > P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
    > Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!
    >
    > *****HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY*****
    >
    >
    > (As an aside, we are also a people who are quite at ease taking the piss
    > out of ourselves, something quite a few other "civilised" countries around
    > the world might take a lesson from.)
    >
    > January 26th is International Australia Day, so c'mon all you Yanks and
    > Europeans, throw some prawns/shrimp on the barbie, before you put that
    > bloody lamb chop on there, crack a coldie and raise your glass to your
    > 'downunder' cousins!! :-)
    >
    >
    > --
    > Peter Lucas
    > Brisbane
    > Australia
    >
    > Killfile all Google Groups posters.........
    >
    > http://improve-usenet.org/
    >
    > http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html



    That's a beaut one, Peter....I have 'borrowed' it to further 'Denigrate' us
    Mate :-))
    --
    Bigbazza (Barry) Oz

    "Happiness is never an accident. It is the prize we get when we choose
    wisely from life's great stores"






  6. #6
    atec 77 Guest

    Default Re: For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

    PeterL1 wrote:
    > Leonard Blaisdell <[email protected]> wrote in news:leoblaisdell-
    > [email protected]:
    >
    >> In article <[email protected]>,
    >> "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >>
    >>> He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
    >>> So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to
    >>> cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just
    >>> good.....

    >
    >> Happy, but I think slightly premature, Australia Day to everyone in OZ!
    >>

    >
    >
    >
    > Thank you......... only 2 wakies to go :-)
    >
    >
    >

    Bah I have to work
    still double time

  7. #7
    PeterL1 Guest

    Default Re: Australia Day, our Country :-)

    "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote in
    news:[email protected]:

    >
    > "PeterL1" <[email protected]> wrote in message
    > news:[email protected] ...
    >> "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote in
    >> news:[email protected]:
    >>
    >>> Seeing as it is 'Australia Day' here on 26th January, I thought I
    >>> might just let you know a little about ourselves!........So, here is
    >>> where we start from.......
    >>>

    >>
    >>
    >> Onya Baz!!! you beat me to the punch on an Australia Day post, but
    >> here's mine anyway's............
    >>


    >
    >
    > That's a beaut one, Peter....I have 'borrowed' it to further 'Denigrate'
    > us Mate :-))





    No worries mate, she'll be right ;-)



    --
    Peter Lucas
    Brisbane
    Australia

    Killfile all Google Groups posters.........

    http://improve-usenet.org/

    http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html

  8. #8
    PeterL1 Guest

    Default Re: For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

    atec 77 <"atec 77"@hotmail.com> wrote in
    news:hjgfbc$h16$[email protected]:

    > PeterL1 wrote:
    >> Leonard Blaisdell <[email protected]> wrote in
    >> news:leoblaisdell- [email protected]:
    >>
    >>> In article <[email protected]>,
    >>> "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >>>
    >>>> He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
    >>>> So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to
    >>>> wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was
    >>>> not just good.....

    >>
    >>> Happy, but I think slightly premature, Australia Day to everyone in
    >>> OZ!
    >>>

    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> Thank you......... only 2 wakies to go :-)
    >>
    >>
    >>

    > Bah I have to work
    > still double time
    >




    Only if you have that piece of paper that say's you're an Aussie ;-P


    We've all got the day off, so we're organising a little pick-in-ick/BBQ in
    a local park. I'm cooking the prawns up tomorrow and I'll stick them on
    ice overnight so's they're ice cold for Tuesday...... making some of my
    famous potato salad..... the boss wants some bloody lamb chops (and the SO
    is very happy about that!!)...... got some gourmet snags, some Wagyu
    burgers, going to take some eye fillet for me, and will get the green
    stuff tomorrow along with some bread and ice for the drinks esky.

    BYO booze and little plate of something to share.

    I'm thinking I'm going to do the Orange, Pistachio and Cinnamon cake with
    orange syrup that I was telling K4 (Koko) about.

    So far, there's going to be about 25 of us. Should be a good day :-)



    --
    Peter Lucas
    Brisbane
    Australia

    Killfile all Google Groups posters.........

    http://improve-usenet.org/

    http://improve-usenet.org/filters_bg.html

  9. #9
    atec 77 Guest

    Default Re: For 'Australia Day'...Our Version Of Creation!......

    PeterL1 wrote:
    > atec 77 <"atec 77"@hotmail.com> wrote in
    > news:hjgfbc$h16$[email protected]:
    >
    >> PeterL1 wrote:
    >>> Leonard Blaisdell <[email protected]> wrote in
    >>> news:leoblaisdell- [email protected]:
    >>>
    >>>> In article <[email protected]>,
    >>>> "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote:
    >>>>
    >>>>> He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
    >>>>> So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to
    >>>>> wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was
    >>>>> not just good.....
    >>>> Happy, but I think slightly premature, Australia Day to everyone in
    >>>> OZ!
    >>>>
    >>>
    >>>
    >>> Thank you......... only 2 wakies to go :-)
    >>>
    >>>
    >>>

    >> Bah I have to work
    >> still double time
    >>

    >
    >
    >
    > Only if you have that piece of paper that say's you're an Aussie ;-P


    not that it matters as there are plenty who do also and most certainly
    fail to make grade
    >
    >
    > We've all got the day off, so we're organising a little pick-in-ick/BBQ in
    > a local park. I'm cooking the prawns up tomorrow and I'll stick them on
    > ice overnight so's they're ice cold for Tuesday...... making some of my
    > famous potato salad..... the boss wants some bloody lamb chops (and the SO
    > is very happy about that!!)...... got some gourmet snags, some Wagyu
    > burgers, going to take some eye fillet for me, and will get the green
    > stuff tomorrow along with some bread and ice for the drinks esky.
    >
    > BYO booze and little plate of something to share.
    >
    > I'm thinking I'm going to do the Orange, Pistachio and Cinnamon cake with
    > orange syrup that I was telling K4 (Koko) about.
    >
    > So far, there's going to be about 25 of us. Should be a good day :-)

    To be frank I am willing to to work as so's family are having the
    yearly gathering
    and trying to deal with 300 of them is over the top
    >
    >
    >


  10. #10
    sf Guest

    Default Re: Australia Day, our Country :-)

    On Sun, 24 Jan 2010 14:19:46 +1100, "Bigbazza" <[email protected]>
    wrote:

    >> "Bigbazza" <[email protected]> wrote in
    >> news:[email protected]:
    >>
    >>> Seeing as it is 'Australia Day' here on 26th January, I thought I might
    >>> just let you know a little about ourselves!........So, here is where we
    >>> start from.......
    >>>

    Thanks for the head's up. I sent my friend (who moved to Australia)
    an ecard.

    --
    I love cooking with wine.
    Sometimes I even put it in the food.

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